Page 34 of A Cowboy Takes A Chance

Jaxon sighed and leaned over to kiss Bethany and bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain. She put her hand on his cheek and smiled at him. Blood poured from a cut on her temple.

“Jaxon, I’m not going to make it out of this car alive—”

“Don’t say that. Let them get you out. I’ll be right here.” He started to move to his side of the car not thinking about the pain he was in, but she stopped him.

“No. I know. Please. Just stay with me until…”

Shaking his head, he refused to believe it. “Bethany, please.” He watched her take a deep breath. All he could think was,please God, don’t take her.

“Jaxon?”

“I’m here, baby.”

“My head hurts so bad.”

“They’re going to get you out of here. Please hang on.”

“I love you. Forever.”

“I know. I love you too. Forever.” They said this to each other every night before bed.

“I want you to find someone new, Jaxon.”

Clenching his jaw, he didn’t want to hear this.

“I’m not going to need anyone new, Bethany—”

“Yes, you will. Please…promise me.”

“Bethany, you’ll be fine,” he said against her lips.

She shook her head, then moaned in pain. Her eyes closed, and Jaxon knew she was gone. He looked up at the paramedic with pleading eyes. The paramedic leaned in and listened to her heart then looked at Jaxon.

“I’m sorry—”

“No!” Jaxon leaned across to her despite the pain in his hip and leg. “Bethany? Please...”

Sitting in a wheelchair at the grave site, he stared straight ahead. Looking neither right nor left. The pain in his heart was unbearable. He could hear people softly sobbing around him. He hadn't yet shed atear since the night it happened. It didn't seem like tears would be enough to ease his pain. He wanted to scream and yell. Punch something or even someone. He sighed. It wouldn't do any good.

Nothing was going to ease this pain. It tore at his heart, ripping it from his chest. How can someone live with this much pain? How was he supposed to go on? He felt someone touch his shoulder and looked up at his brother, Devin. The look in his eyes was full of pain. Devin leaned down and hugged him.

“You should stay with me for a while,” Devin told him.

Right now Jaxon just wanted to be alone, but he hated going to the ranch he’d shared with Bethany. He had too many thoughts going through his head and way too much pain to be around anyone after leaving the cemetery. People were coming up to him and telling him how sorry they were for his loss. He stopped listening after the first few people. He knew they meant well, but he needed to escape. He wanted them to leave him alone, but he’d stay with his brother.

Jaxon made his way through the crowd and headed to his brother’s car. No one followed. He got himself into the pickup truck and watched everyone leave. When Devin climbed in, he didn’t say a word.

“Please don’t leave yet,” Jaxon whispered as he watched the cemetery workers lower the casket into the ground and the first tear slid down his cheek. Dear God, how was he going to make it? His whole life was being lowered into the ground, never to be seen or touched again…

Jaxon jerked awake. The dream was back. He hadn’t had it in over a year. God, he missed her. Swinging his legs over the bed, he rubbed his eyes then stood and walked to the living room, going straight for the mantle. Staring at the pictures, he smiled and picked up the one of her holding a pink Tiger Lily. Jaxon ran his hand down his face as tears threatened.

“What am I supposed to do, Bethany? I love you so much, and I miss you every day, but I really…like Presley. Why do I feel like I’m cheating on you? I know you told me to find someone new and if it were the other way around, I’d want you to find someone too. I wouldn’t want you to waste your life holding on to me. Shit.” Placing the picture back on the mantle, he turned and headed back to bed, hoping he’d get some sleep.

****

“That damn man,” she muttered for what seemed the umpteenth time. She’d slammed the door on her cabin so hard she was surprised that no one came out to see whatwas going on. Then again, she was surprised that when she’d slammed the front door at Jaxon’s house the glass hadn’t broken.

Never had she’d been so angry and hurt at the same time. He’d practically thrown her out of his home.Again!That damn man!That was twice now, and she just kept going back to him. A glutton for punishment was what she was. Three weeks left, and now they’d argued. She had no clue if he was even going to speak to her again. Heading to the bathroom, she turned the water on in the shower and stripped. The room filled with steam as she stepped into the stall. Reaching for the soap, she wanted to scrub him from her skin. She leaned her head against the wall as more tears slid down her cheeks. The truth was she never wanted to remove his touch because she loved him more than she thought possible and when the time came to leave, she knew it would be one of the hardest things she’d ever do. Only, he didn’t want her, not in the way she wanted him. Jaxon was still clinging to his wife and refused to let anyone else in. Her body shook as she sobbed. As bad as she felt about leaving him, she broke down thinking how he didn’t love her because he was still in love with his dead wife. He must have loved her so much, and she couldn’t imagine the pain he went through in losing her but he was here, andshe wasn’t anymore. He needed to let go and live.

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