Page 25 of Casualties

I slowly rub the palms of my sweaty hands up and down my thighs.He's looking away, staring out of the driver side window, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel.God, this song is agonizing to hear.Nothing like sitting next to the person you once thought you loved, both angry, and listening to a song talking about it being too late for love.

Is he going to say anything?Just get out of the car, stupid.He isn’t worth this shit.

I grab the door handle just as he lays his hand on my thigh, stopping me.

“Ains, that didn’t go how I planned.I wanted to tell you that I want to work on building back our friendship.I don’t know what I did, but I was hoping we could fix whatever broke.”His hand has a firm grip on my thigh, making sure I don’t leave.

“I don’t know what to say.Things happened that I’m not okay to talk about with you.I don’t know what yesterday morning was about, but we both agree it should never happen again.I want to meet new people and experience life outside of you and Morgan.I can’t do that with you both constantly hovering over me.And while I appreciate you wanting to build back a friendship, I can’t.Something broke inside of me when it comes to you, and I don’t think we can ever repair the pieces.”That was too much honesty, leaving an opening for him to ask a million more questions.Questions I'm not willing to answer.

He pauses, a look of defeat washing over his face.I can’t tell him.

“Please tell me, so I can fix it.What we had should have been unbreakable.You were more to me than Morgan’s little sister; you were my best friend, too.”I see the hurt in his face, and I want so badly to wipe it away, but I won't.The damage is done, and we need to move on with our lives.I can’t give into him, no matter how beautiful and sincere he is.

“Ace, it is what it is.I’m done having this conversation.I made my point, and you sure as hell made yours.Let’s leave it at that before we say more to hurt each other.”I set my hand on top of his on my thigh.Why does an electric current shock through my body at the slightest skin-to-skin contact between us?Unrequited love is a bitch.

He lets out a loud exhale, and to my surprise he lets go of my thigh.I don’t say anything.I just nod my head, open the door, and exit his car.Walking toward the front of my building, I enter through the main door.Before I make my way up the stairs, I chance looking back to see him punching the steering wheel.Taking the stairs one by one, I hear tires screeching as he drives out of the parking lot.

I thought when I got back to my dorm Cass would be home, but she isn’t here.That’s weird, she didn’t tell me she had plans.Maybe she went to grab a hot chocolate from the coffee shop down the street to see that guy she's talking to.I send her a text letting her know I'm home, and that I'll see her when she gets back.Then another text asking her to pick up pistachio ice cream.She’ll know something is wrong.I only ask for ice cream when I’m upset, and pistachio is my favorite.

There are only two people that know how I could possibly be feeling.I don’t think Jackson cares to hear what happened between Ace and I.So my next text goes to the only other person who'll get it.

Me

Hey stranger.Miss you.

Jordan

Wow!SHE IS ALIVE EVERYBODY!

AC!Where the hell have you been?I was about to send a search party.

Me

Haha, very funny.I asked Cassie to bring home pistachio.

Jordan

Oh God!What happened???

I start telling her about the frat party Friday night.

Jordan

Um excuse me, ma'am… you had your first kiss with a boy you just met in front of the boy you were in love with?!?!And you made the first move???Fuck AC, I turned you into a savage.

Me

It wasn’t intentional, but Ace was out of his damn mind.The way he was treating Jackson was crazy.We were just talking.

Jordan

Until you kissed him...

Me

Ace pissed me off, and the liquid courage helped.

Jordan

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