Page 26 of Casualties

A woman after my own heart

I proceed to tell her what happened with Ace and I in his room the morning after the party.I see the dots form for a second, then disappear, then reappear again.Jordan's mind is most likely on the verge of exploding.

Jordan

Dang girl.New guy.Old guy.Two hot moments in less than a ten-hour window.How are you feeling?

Me

It wasn’t just two moments…

Jordan

Do tell, bitch!

I continue the conversation with the amazing night I had with Jackson after the pizza restaurant, and then the fight Ace and I just had.I don’t know why, but telling Jordan all of this instantly sets me at ease.I miss her so much.She gets how I feel about all of this.She's the one who helped me through my rocky summer.She hates Ace for everything that went down before I left for Stanford.

Me

So that's everything.I have no idea how I feel about any of it.I think Ace and I are on somewhat of the same page.I made it clear I've never had feelings for him, and he made it clear he feels the same.He just misses his “friend.”

Jordan

Ugh, why is he such a jackass?I know you won’t believe me, but he loves you.

Me

I know he loves me…as his “friend”

Jordan

No babe, that's not what I mean.He loves you loves you.Like obsessed with you kinda love.

I spit the drink of water I was taking out.Is she insane?Did she not get anything from what I just told her?He doesn’t want me like that, and I'm sick and tired of ever thinking he would.I know what I said to him—to some extent I meant it—but a small part of me wanted a different outcome.

Me

You're DELULU, babe!Cass just texted saying she's heading up so I'll text you later.Love you long time.

Jordan

For a short time, bitch!

I hear the keys jangle in the door and I sit up.“You got the goods?”I already know she does—I see the drugstore bag in her hand.

“Yes, I got the goods.What happened tonight that required medication?”I see the concern on her face.

“Ugh.Nothing...Well, I met up with Ace.”I don’t say more.She purses her lips and pulls her hand to her hip, waiting for me to continue.

“We got into a fight, and I’m not entirely sure why,” I lie, but a part of me still doesn’t want to share this with my best friend.I already went crazy on Ace tonight.Cassie doesn’t take anyone’s shit, especially when I'm involved.So I can only imagine how she would react if I told her the full story, and I don't want things to get more awkward between the four of us.

“Mmhm.So did he finally tell you how he feels?”I stare at her blankly.

What the hell does she mean “how he feels”?Um, yeah he did, I guess.He agreed with me that it was a mistake and can never happen again.Only instead of calm words, he yelled it at me.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”I cross my arms, leaning my face in toward her, signaling to elaborate.She rolls her eyes, annoyed at my confusion.

“That man has been goo goo gaga over you for as long as I have known him.”A loud laugh escapes me at her false assumption.She's just as delusional as Jordan.They’re both ridiculous to think he has feelings for me.No.Yesterday was a weak moment between two old friends.

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