Page 53 of Casualties

“Do you have plans tonight?”I ask, trying to get out of my own head.I got into another fight with Jackson last night over the same bullshit, which ended with me hanging up on him.He has since been blowing up my phone, but I refuse to answer him.I’m done making up excuses for his piss-poor boyfriend behavior.

“I’m not sure, maybe later.”She leans in to get a closer look at her reflection as she applies her mascara.“Are you nervous for dinner with Ace again?”She drops the mascara, looking sheepish.

“I never told you about dinner with the Maddoxes.Who did?”I know who told her, but I want it to come from her.

“Oh, I had this weird computer nerd question, so I texted your dumbass brother in the hopes of him helping me out.He mentioned it then.”The nervous chuckle that escapes her is comical.

“Cut the shit, babe.Something is going on with you and my brother.”She looks like her system is crashing from pure shock.I’ve never seen her eyes stretch so wide.

“Um…what?You’re insane!I can’t stand your brother as of lately, so no.No way do I have a thing with Morgan Copeland.”I’m not sure who she's trying to convince more, me or herself.

“Exhibit A: both times we stayed at their apartment, you slept with him in his bed.The first time, I thought it was no big deal.The second time, eh, I’m having suspicions.Exhibit B: you guys fight like crazy, and most of the time it’s in regard to a guy you're talking to or what you’re wearing.I could probably go on, but I see you’re catching my drift.”I’m not upset about them getting together, or whatever it is they’re doing.I’m not even mad that they were trying to keep it from me.My only hope is that whatever they’re doing is not going to make things weird between us.

“I hope you aren’t mad at me, AC.It started the night of the party, and has been this roller coaster ever since.I wanted to keep it casual, but your brother has other ideas.”She looks worried, and at this moment, I’m not thinking about Ace and my melodrama.

“I’m not mad at all.I was waiting for you to open up to me about it.You know how we operate, Cass.I hope that he's treating you right.”Cass may act like a firework, but she has a huge heart—one that can easily be broken.

“It’s nothing.We fight all the time, so I set boundaries when it started: no feelings attached.I don’t know why we can’t stay away, but we can’t.It’s as if my body needs him, but my mind isn’t convinced.”She sounds defeated, and it breaks my heart.I know my best friend like the back of my hand: I know she has fallen for him, but can't admit it to herself.

“You know you can always talk to me about this—any time you want.I mean, for real, I don’t need to hear about your closed-door activities, but everything else.I’m here.”Her lips curl out dejectedly.The thought that my best friend has been going through this without someone to talk to breaks my heart.We may need to embrace the Jordan approach, and drag the truth out of one another.She doesn’t say anything else after that, so I excuse myself to her bathroom.

After alleviating my bladder, I walk out of the bathroom to see Cassie holding my phone in her hand, scrolling through texts.She looks angry.Not only angry, but full-blown raging.We have had each other’s passcodes since we first got cell phones.There has never been any need to be secretive…until now.

“Cass?”I ask hesitantly.

“What the fuck, AC?What have you been keeping from me?”I can feel the anger radiating off of her, and don’t have to ask what she means.I already know.

“Why is he talking to you like this?What the hell is going on?”She's standing now, pacing back and forth in her room.Her arms are planted firmly on her hips as she paces, and I wait for her to stop so we can have this out.

“It’s not what it looks like—” She doesn’t let me finish.

“The fact that you already know what I'm upset about tells me a great deal.”Her pacing continues.

“Over the last month, Jackson has been going through stuff.I'm trying to help him work through it.I don’t want to give up on him.”I say in Jackson’s defense.I care about him, and want him to succeed.

“It sounds like you're making excuses for bad behavior.He shouldn’t be talking to you this way.It’s controlling!”I sit on her bed with tears welling in my eyes.I don’t want to show her how much Jackson’s recent behavior has affected me.

“I…I…I don’t know what to say.It’s complicated.He?—”

“He's mentally abusing you, Ainsley!I get simple jealousy, but this is manipulative, and aggressive.”I’m not a victim.There's nothing wrong with my relationship.Rough patches happen all the time.

“Why were you going through my phone?Huh?What made you think it was okay to do that?”Hurt strikes her beautiful face.I’m a jerk, I know it.

Her voice gets softer when she speaks.“AC, it’s not like that.You had a text come up, and I popped it open.When I saw it was Jackson, I was going to tell you when you got out of the bathroom.But then I saw he sent you multiple texts that you haven't responded to, and his last text was threatening.I thought you guys were great, but your texts and missed calls say otherwise.”I see true concern on her face, and it breaks my heart.

“Cass, it’s fine.I’m fine, and I would tell you if I wasn’t.”I need her to take my word for it.We don’t berate each other with questions unless we absolutely have to.

“What time do you have to be back for dinner?”This is Cassie’s way of moving on.She knows I won’t give her the answers she's looking for, so she changes the subject.

“I should probably head out now, don’t want to make the moms wait.You know how they get.”I do my best to pull an award-winning smile, hoping it eases her mind.

“Okay, I'll see you later.”Her smile is there, but it never reaches her eyes.As I’m about to walk out her bedroom door, she stops me.

“AC, you are not a wallflower.You're meant for greatness, I hope you don’t let a man take that from you.”

TWENTY-NINE

ACE

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