Page 191 of Heartbeats & Highways

“Hey,” I said. “You mind if I join you?”

Joni smiled at me. “You never have to ask.” She patted the seat next to her.

Her baby was asleep against her shoulder, and I looked at him.

It was hard to believe I had two babies inside of me, two lives that were entrusted to my care, but I wasn’t sure I was at all prepared or capable of protecting them. I couldn’t even protect myself.

“I can’t believe they’re having Church,” Brooklyn said. “Slash was drunk as a skunk when he came to bed. He has a wicked hangover this morning.”

“Boxer too,” Doc said.

“Most of them were drunk last night, I imagine,” I said.

“Not Colt. He didn’t even come to bed,” Mia said, biting her lip.

The group fell silent until I finally asked, “Does it get any easier?”

“Does what get any easier?” Allison asked. Her toddler was using her knees as support, his chubby hands hanging on.

“Being an Old Lady. Being part of the club . . . being part of a family that has no secrets,” I said finally.

“It’s a blessing and a curse.” Mia smiled. “Sometimes it’s nice because everybody already knows what happened, so you don’t have to rehash it. Other times, you just want a moment of peace to think before you have to know how you feel and wind up talking to people about it.”

I still didn’t know how I felt about anything. It was a whirlwind of loss. The dominoes kept falling.

Sailor and Waverly came up from the theater room to grab some food before heading back down.

Everyone was awake when the brothers came into the clubhouse from having Church.

I felt the mood in the room shift.

Savage met my eyes, and without a word, I got up and went to him.

He wasn’t wearing his leather cut.

Savage grabbed my hand and led me out front. The chill from the air bathed my cheeks and I crossed my arms over my chest.

He closed the door behind us, to give us some measure of privacy.

“What happened? What did Colt say?” I prodded when he remained quiet.

“He said he was too angry to make a final decision about my status as a brother,” Savage replied. “And he said there has to be severe consequences for what I’ve done. He had the right to make the choice for the entire club on his own without their input, but he was too mad to make the call. So, he put it to a vote.”

“A vote,” I repeated.

“I’ve been temporarily suspended,” he said quietly. His eyes slid from mine, and he stared out over the land. “For three months, I’m not allowed in club territory, anywhere on club property, or allowed to do anything except clear my shit out of the clubhouse. At the end of the sentence, Prez will decide whether or not I can come back.”

In three months, I would be well into my second trimester. At the end of three months, it would be summer. In three months, our whole lives could look completely different.

“You’re not included in that,” Savage went on. “You’re welcome at club events, the clubhouse, anything to do with the Old Ladies.”

“Absolutely not,” I stated.

Savage blinked at me, and then his brow furrowed. “What do you mean? You’re welcome here. You’re welcome to spend time with the Old Ladies. Your life doesn’t have to change just because I’m?—”

“I’m not going to be part of this club while you’re not,” I said. “I won’t build a life without you, Savage. Your life and my life are tied together. I choseyou. I chose you long before I knew what being an Old Lady meant. Well, now I’m going to prove it to you.”

“I’m not allowed to wear my cut for three months either.” He looked like he’d swallowed glass.

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