Page 2 of My Pucking Life

Revered Moon Goddess.

Accept those we lost,

Into your secure embrace.

Cleanse their souls of pain,

Preserve their light until the time,

The restoration of their existence,

Reaccompanies us in the realms.

The final word becomes a full howl that I can feel down to my bones. My wolf’s sorrow even feels heavy. As the sounds of our howls are carried away by the cool wind, Khaos leans forward to light the fire. We all arrange ourselves around him to support him. I reach for his right hand, the other woman on his left, Roman just behind me with his hand on his right shoulder, and fanned across the rest of the space behind him is the rest of our men have a hand laid across the expanse of his shoulders. The small group of women and the healer we brought with us are just behind the men.

Not one of us stands here with dry eyes.

We stand together, just like this, crying and waiting for the flames to die.

The air around me feels crackly, and as the last flame slows to an ember, I get the strangest, most overwhelming sensation, causing me to gasp and fall to the ground.

All at once, I feel as though dozens of souls have swirled around me, hugging and touching me. I swear a couple of them stopped to look me right in the eye. I can vaguely hear Roman and the men trying to call to me. I don’t think they can even touch me through the energy of the souls. My wolf feels like she has her head thrown back, lifted to the sky, with her eyes closed.

Does she know what’s happening right now?

She huffs at me, which I interpret as, Duh.

Just as quickly as they ascended upon me, they swirl around me a final time and lift into the sky and into the Goddess’ arms.

2

The somber moment is broken when Leera falls to the ground all of a sudden. Not only does she fall to the ground, but there is something keeping us from reaching her. Khaos, Andrei, and I are in a panic, yelling her name and trying to reach her, but there’s an energy field around her that won’t allow us to grasp her.

A strange breeze passes, feeling as though it's moving towards the sky, and I collapse into Leera's space.

“Leera, baby, say something. Are you okay?” I nearly beg.

She sits up and looks around at us like she's hoping we know what the fuck just happened. “I…I think I'm okay…um…I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that doesn't usually happen?”

I shake my head, watching her every move, making sure she's really okay. There's no sign of distress; her anxiety doesn't even seem to be peaked. There's no negative energy coming from her wolf to indicate something bad happened, or my wolf would also be losing his shit.

Leera crawls into my lap, clenching my shirt in her hands. I believe she's just going to sit there holding me when she finally breaks the silence and says, “I think…shit, I must be crazy…I think the souls of the lost were…thanking me?” She lifts her chin, and her confused icy-blue eyes meet mine. “I don't know how else to explain it. It felt like they were wrapping themselves around me, almost hugging me. Why would they thank me? They died because of me. Roman, what's happening to me?” Her voice cracks at the end of her sentence, and the anxious uncertainty I was originally expecting has finally caught up with her. Her forehead crashes against my chest as the tears begin to fall.

“Princess, look at me,” I ask gently, lifting her head and wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “Like every other thing we've encountered together, I don't know what's happening right now, but we will find out. I promise. We have a lot of information to unpack together.” I pause, looking around our small group, taking in the moment before I say, “But for right now, let's get home.” I lift her into my arms and stand. “Khaos, where do you need to be? Do you want to come back with us, or do you need to get back to your team?”

I can't fucking fathom what he's going through right now. His entire pack is gone. I know he's not the most caring asshole out there, but he was their alpha nonetheless. The physical effects of the broken bonds would be excruciating before you even consider how he's feeling.

All the while, it's still active hockey season, and like our team, his is made up of mostly lone wolves who aren't into the “ancient" pack life traditions—their words, not mine. While I understand life in the human realm is vastly different than our heritage, I would never be able to give up the very things that make us who we are. With everything life's been throwing at us this year, it's hard to even think about hockey, if I'm being honest. For so long, it was the escape from my mind that I needed to free myself from reality. Now, I have Leera, and I want to devote every minute to her, but I can't just go awol in the middle of the season, at the height of my career.Fuck, how I want to, though.

Khaos answers, watching Leera intently, “I'd like to go where she goes at the moment. I want to be sure she's okay, and I feel as though I've missed something…something feels off.”

Which reminds me that we haven't been able to tell him what we learned at her first transition, or even about her transition and meeting her wolf for the first time. I offer him a nod.

“Also to accompany”—he throws his head in the direction of the only surviving member of his pack—“as I assume you have a lot to talk about,” Khaos continues, and I acknowledge him with another curt nod.

We all begin to move quietly out of the wooded area, and fuck, there's just so much baggage to unpack when we get home.

Jeanine, thank you for all your help. Would you like one of the men to escort you all home safely?

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