Page 30 of Fixing Emilee

Mom gets up, leaving the room and shutting the door as she goes. No one comes in. I tighten my grip on the love of my life as if she will slip away from me if I don’t. Her whole body trembles as giant sobs tear out of her as if her soul is being broken in half. I say nothing, I just hold her until she quiets, and the sobs stop. She sits up, scooting back, so I can stand up and sit next to her. I don’t put an inch of space between us. I turn my body so I’m lying on my left side, pulling her into my chest. “I didn’t lie,” she starts to talk, but I place my finger on her mouth to stop her.

“No, baby girl. Shh, you do not have to say another word. I would never think you would lie about something as horrible as I just heard. All I want you to do is remember that nothing you say will make me think any less of you or stop loving you,” I say slowly and calmly.

“What?” I can tell she’s surprised by my reaction. I hoped I was reading the situation wrong, but that shows I was right. She thought I would leave her. That thought breaks my heart.

“Emilee Kay Hill. I love you with all my heart. I know that you have had your share of demons, baby girl. I watch you fight them daily. I watched you become so broken that you tried to leave us. I never once thought you were weak or less than.” I stand up, putting my hand out for her to take. Pulling her to my bathroom, where there is a full-length mirror. I make her face the mirror, put my arms around her, and pull her into my chest.

She’s crying again, but I continue, “Look at us. We are perfect for each other. You’re made for me and me alone. We may have a different history, but we have dealt with some of the same issues. My mom and dad didn’t want me, so they left. Your mom did the unthinkable and didn’t believe you, so she left.” Pulling up her sleeves so we see her scars, I rub my hand on them. “You wear your scars on the outside, while I hide mine on the inside. You have clawed and crawled your way out of the hole that others have put you in. I’m in awe of your strength and your will. We are the same baby girl, and nothing I will ever learn about you will make me leave you.”

She leans back into me, putting her hands on mine and lacing them together. I feel her relax a little bit. Our reflections start to shake and shimmer in the mirror as my eyes fill with tears. I fight to keep them in but lose. God, I love this girl so much, and I need her to know that. “I know to the outside world we are way too young to have found our soulmates, but I swear to god, Emilee, I have. You are it for me. We are going to get through all of this. Then, when we are happily married with four kids, we will look back on this time, and it won’t hurt as much.” I know I’m shocking her because her eyes dilate with each word leaving my mouth, but I mean it. “You’re it for me. I’m going to make you my wife. You will carry my children, and we will live our lives together, happy even when we are old and gray.”

“I want that. I want you. I love you, Parker Eugene West,” she says, turning in my arms. Lacing her hands behind my neck, she pulls me flush against her, moving back until she is squished between me and the counter. She kisses me; everything we need to say is said with this kiss. Our kiss ends way too soon with a knock on my bedroom door. “I think we need to talk about what happened tonight,” she says, sighing. She’s right, but I’m not looking forward to this conversation.

It will test my patience and how long I can keep my cool. I won’t be able to show anyone how much I want to murder this asshole. As I open the door to my room, I’m pushed aside as Levi comes through and grabs Emilee.

“Em, you scared the shit out of me. What the fuck is going on?” He keeps her in his arms, pulling her deeper into his side. “P, I told dick douche to leave, but he refuses. You might want to handle that before Tiffani ruins Luna’s new rug with his blood.”

I point to Emilee. “It’s her call, man.” She looks up at me, confused. “Christian said he tried to warn you, but your phone was going to voicemail. He said he tried to stop Vanessa from playing the recording. He wants to talk to you. I told him I didn’t have time to murder him, but I do know all you have to say is so and he is fucking gone for good.”

She doesn’t say anything, just nods, letting me know she heard me. The three of us head to the living room, where I hear Tiffani yelling at him.

“I don’t know why you are still here. No one wants you here. I don’t know what you are trying to do, but you guys will stop this. If you think my slap is bad, then my punch to your small dick will hurt worse. I might even try to re-break that nose of yours. You aren’t going to hurt my best friend anymore. Do I make myself clear, you mother fucker?” Tiffani lunges at him, but Luna grabs her arm, stopping her.

“Tiffani,” Emilee says with a smile on her face. Finally, my girl has people around her that are willing to go to war for her. She walks forward and grabs Tiffani, bringing her to her side. “Thank you. But I got this.” She turns on Christian. “What do you have to say, Christian?”

He looks around at all of us standing around her, and fear passes in his eyes. I straighten up, crossing my arms over my chest. Damn right he needs to be scared, because I will kill him if he makes one mistake.

Emilee must notice the same look because she voices the same thoughts running through my mind. “Yeah, you have a right to be scared, but not of them. I’m done. I will punch you my damn self. Now say what you need to say quickly. Because of you and her, I have to have a tough conversation with my family. The same conversation I had with you. So...” my girl says, holding her arms out in a what do you got now move, making me so damn proud.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Watching the boy that has made my life a living hell look so lost, sad, and, well, broken tugs at something inside of me. I’m torn between having an open mind, listening to him, or telling him to fuck off and I don’t care about anything he has to say. I don’t have to look around me to know that I’m surrounded by people who will go to war over me. Everyone’s actions tonight proved that I don’t have to worry about being weak, a mess, or breaking down, because I’m safe with them. I can physically feel the strength and love flowing from each of them. I allow their strength to combine with my own and choose the first option.

Christian’s hands are shaking. That should make me feel powerful because I used to shake in front of him, but it does the opposite. I’m not cruel or mean like them. Stepping forward, I sit beside him, picking up his hands and holding them in mine. “It’s okay, Christian. Just tell me what you need to. It’s just you and me.”

He squeezes my hands but never looks up from the floor. “It’s been hard for me since July. I never told you this, but….” He swallows, clearing his throat before he continues. “When everyone found out that I’m...” Once again, he pauses, but this time, he looks around at everyone standing in the room. I know what he is trying to say and how hard it is to admit it out loud. This is just like the first time he ever told me, but, of course, it didn’t change anything. I don’t believe for one second that anyone in this room would judge him, but I sympathize with his worry.

“Would it be easier if it was just you and me? We can go into Parker’s room?” I ask him, pointing over my shoulder. I feel the death stare that everyone in the room is firing my way. I just ignore them because even though he has been horrible doesn’t mean I have to be the same.

“No,” he says quietly.

“Can ya’ll please sit the fuck down? You’re even making me nervous,” I say to the room. At once, everyone finds a place to sit. Parker chooses the arm of the sofa, wrapping his arm around me.

“Once it came out over the summer that I’m gay, everyone stopped being friends with me,” he finally says. Tears fall from his eyes at a fast pace. I pull my hand out of the death grip that he has them in to pull his face up to look at me. I try to wipe the tears off, and for the first time, I see him as the person he has tried to hide. The scared boy who just wants to be accepted but has been rejected because of something he can’t help.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. I’m not going to lie. It stings that he didn’t think he could tell me. I was there when the fallout over him being gay happened with his parents. Thankfully, they have come around and have a great relationship with him now. How had I missed that his other friends abandoned him? Yeah, I didn’t hang out with any of them, but I had seen Christian enough that I should have picked up on it.

“Vanessa said that they all were making fun of me and not wanting to be friends with me because of you, not because of who I am. That because of how you were being raised and you being a nobody, I was being looked at the same way. I clung to what she said because that meant I wasn’t a freak or someone not worthy of them. So, I pushed all my anger, humiliation, hate, and hurt onto you. You became this evil person in my eyes. You became the reason I was being hurt, and all I wanted was to hurt you. I wanted everyone to see that I didn’t like you anymore. I also wanted you to hurt as badly as I was.”

I recoil back into Parker, physically hurt by Christian’s words. Nothing he said makes any damn sense. I’ve always been the one person there for him when he needed anything. I jumped no matter what I was going through or doing if he needed me. Many nights I sat with him, listening to his problems but never voicing my own because I didn’t want to make it about me. Sensing my distress, Parker asks, “How does that make what you did to her right?”

“I never said it did. I’m just telling you guys the truth. The night of the fight, everything came to a boiling point. The guy we were standing with was someone I was interested in, and when you made a scene, he laughed at me. He’s older and told me he wouldn’t be caught dead being with someone who hung around immature people. On top of Vanessa telling me you were the cause of all my pain, my hurt from being rejected pushed me to do things I never would have done before.”

I’m trying really hard to understand what he’s saying, and I understand his hurt, but I don’t understand how he thought destroying me was the right thing to do. “Christian…”

“Emilee, you know me. I act like I’m this big tough guy when really, I’m not. I’m so scared that no one is going to accept me. When Vanessa came here, she had all the confidence I didn’t, and I clung to that. Everyone at school talked to her and wanted to hang out with her. I wanted to be just like her. I felt special that she chose me to be friends with. So I let her get in my head and fuck with my reality. I see that now. When I heard about what you did and how you almost…” He chokes on his words.

“How she almost killed herself because of you,” Levi finishes for him. My eyes find my little brother. He’s fighting with himself. I see that he wants to have compassion for what Christian is going through, but he also wants to murder him for what he put me through.

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