Page 55 of A Bride for the Cruel Duke

She tried to roll her eyes but ended up blushing furiously instead. And then, most surprisingly, she laughed. It caught her by surprise. And Anthony too, who flinched and leaned back, before joining in himself.

Deep down, Caroline felt that she should be ashamed of what had just happened. It was not sex, but she had still given in to Anthony, getting lost in such pleasure that a small part of her felt dirty—as if she had done something wrong. Only, she also found that she did not care.

I can’t help but feel that I have been lied to all this time. What my mother told me about sex, made out to be the worst and most shameful of things, something to be avoided at all costs.

That didn’t seem to be the case at all. Anthony stepped closer to Caroline and took her by the hand. She squeezed it back, meeting his eyes and smiling for him. A smile that he returned. There was no sense that he was upset that they didn’t go any further. And certainly no indication that he would up and leave her now that they were done. In fact, she felt closer to him now than she ever had before. A marriage of convenience, slowly transforming into so much more.

A marriage that I am starting to enjoy, even covet, as unbelievable as that might have once sounded.

ChapterEighteen

“You are awfully quiet,” Roderick said after what must have been several minutes of brewing silence. “More so than usual, anyhow.”

Anthony brought himself back into the room, determined to keep his mind from straying to that same place it had been all day. “Is that a problem?”

Roderick snorted. “Should it be?”

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Anthony noted stonily. “What’s the matter? Missing my company? Getting lonely, are we?”

“Do not mistake curiosity for desire, Anthony,” Roderick scoffed. “The truth of the matter is, I prefer it when you speak little. The Lord knows that you make for tragic company at the best of times. At least this way, I can simply pretend that you are not a most rotten sort whom I often find myself wondering what might happen if I was to break this tankard over your head and be done with it.” He was holding a tankard of ale, and he took a large mouthful as if to suggest he might finish his drink and test this little idea of his.

Anthony shook his head at his friend. “Do not let me stop you. My only advice to you is do not miss. Somehow, I doubt you will like what will happen next.”

They were sitting in a corner booth at their favorite gentleman’s club, empty of the moment as it was still early. Having traveled south to pay visit to his bride-to-be, Roderick had sent word to Anthony, asking if he wished to meet for a drink. It was a kind gesture; proof that the two were indeed good friends. Alas, as was always the way with them both, they could not escape from the patterns they had spent a lifetime establishing. A need, it felt like, to prove who was the more powerful and important and dispassionate of the two.

“I am only joshing, Anthony,” Roderick sighed. “Why do you have to take things so seriously?”

“Have I been known to take them any other way?”

“I suppose not,” Roderick snorted. “That’s what I always liked about you. Although I hesitate to use the word liked. Put up with, perhaps.”

“My tenacity for violence?”

“That you don’t mince words,” Roderick corrected. “If there is one good thing to be said of you, it’s that I can always tell what you are thinking. Which brings me back to my original query.” He cocked an eyebrow. “The aforementioned silence which sits upon your shoulders like a heavy cloak.”

“Which has me wondering why you care,” Anthony asked. “Do not tell me that your engagement has made you soft, Roderick. Do not tell me...” Anthony pretended to look aghast. “That you are developing feelings? Worried for me, are you?”

He scoffed. “Do not insult me. And I am sorry that I brought it up. Go one then...” He waved Anthony away. “Back to your silent pontificating. Why I even bother...” he muttered to himself as he took another mouthful of ale.

Anthony eyed his friend curiously. Roderick was indeed acting strangely. Not so strangely that anyone else might have noticed, for all he had done was ask Anthony what was wrong with him. But it was strange for Roderick because he had asked Anthony what was wrong.

It’s an odd friendship that we have, Anthony thought to himself with a shake of the head.Showing feelings and concern for one another is considered out of character.

Perhaps Anthony had hit the nail right on the head with his assumption. That being, Roderick’s engagement had affected the man in ways he couldn’t have predicted. It would not have surprised Anthony if that was the case, for he too was suffering from the same sense of confusion of character.

It was thoughts of his wife which pestered him. What happened last night. What happened this morning. What might happen tonight. And what on earth Anthony planned to do about it.

Anthony was attracted to his wife, and that was starting to become a problem. It should not have been. Truly, it should have been exactly what Anthony wanted—what he had told himself he wished for, right from the beginning. But Anthony was a complex character, damaged from a lifetime of distrust and loneliness, and thus, he found it difficult to accept the very real fact that if things continued this way, he might for once in his life be happy.

Last night had nearly seen him undone. Oh, the self-control it had taken him not to have her then and there was more than he thought himself in possession of. Indeed, the only thing that had kept him from having her was his desire to prove to her that he cared about her wellbeing. It was just so unlike him!

It had Anthony considering what it was that he really wanted from all of this. An heir, he told himself, the original goal of this marriage. Only now, that seemed inconsequential. An afterthought, because he had hardly even given it a moment of thought in the last two days. Yes, he wished for an heir, but more than that, he wished for a marriage that was more than one of mere convenience.

Only, Caroline wasn’t making it any easier on him. He could sense her coming around slowly and was sure that she would. But what would happen if he broke before she did? Another night last like night, putting Anthony in that same situation, and he couldn’t say if he had it in himself not to take his wife completely.

I am scared to sleep with my wife. As bizarre a realization that could possibly exist.

He was walking a fine line here, he knew. One wrong step taken and it would undo him and this marriage both.

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