Page 72 of A Bride for the Cruel Duke

He turned on his heel and walked across the room. He did not take her by the hand first and kiss it. He certainly did not kiss her! Again, Caroline felt it was all likely in her head. It had been but one night, and she knew how hard this was for Anthony—a man who had spent his life being so distant and closed off was not going to change completely in a single evening. She knew this.

And yet, as he reached the door, Caroline felt a pain in her chest that had nothing to do with the fall. The door opened, light streamed into the room, and a thought came to mind that was almost as stupid as her decision to try and race him on horseback in the dark. Another vain effort to prove to herself that Anthony did care for her. Another idiotic decision made that was the height of self-sabotage.

“Anthony...” she said softly as he stepped through the door.

“Hhmm?” he turned back and looked at her, his face still drowned in the shadow.

“I...”Do not say it. Do not dare!“I love you...” She knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment it left her lips.

Unable to see Anthony’s face clearly, she was forced to imagine the horror that passed his eyes. He stood there frozen, looking at her, saying nothing and doing even less.

“Goodnight,” he said finally, a single word that felt like an arrow through her chest. “I will see you in the morning.”

Anthony closed the door and darkness fell upon the room once more. A darkness that Caroline felt in the pit of her soul. A darkness that ate at her until there was nothing left.Tomorrow will be different. Once he has some time to think on it. To catch up on his sleep. Then... yes, then all will be well.

She repeated this lie to herself again and again, knowing that’s exactly what it was. A lie. Caroline the fool had done the one thing she had promised herself she would not. She had slept with her husband, a man who she had thought loved her as she loved him. Only now, she was nowhere near as confident in that assumption as she had been.

What had changed? If anything? Had she been wrong this whole time, and all Anthony had wished for was an heir—to get her into bed, as he had told her wanted from the beginning? She found that hard to believe, looking back at this past week, focusing on the times they had shared, knowing those to be proof of his feelings for her.

But if they were true, then she would not be sat here in the dark alone, unsure and doubting everything she thought she had known. Was she wrong? Or had she not known her husband nearly as well as she thought?

ChapterTwenty-Four

There was a reason that Anthony had chosen to live a life of emotional unavailability. Most assumed he was born that way, the Cruel Duke who cared nothing for others and took pleasure from causing terror and misery in everyone he met. But this simply wasn’t true.

His mother was the reason. Having suffered through her sickness, forced to watch her wither and die while being able to do nothing about it had broken him. It had made him question what the point of investing emotionally in somebody else was. Why care for those who might suffer and hurt when there was nothing you could do by sit by and wait for the inevitable? What was to be gained from being in a situation like that?Nothing.

So, he closed himself off. He cut himself out from the world. He took on the persona of the Cruel Duke, accepting this as his fate because at least then he would never be in a situation like that of his mother’s again.

For a while there, it had worked, and he had been happy. So what if people feared him? So what if he was slowly becoming exactly what everyone said? At least that way he would never risk being hurt by anybody, just as he would never risk hurting them.

At least that had been the idea.

What had happened to Caroline just now made him question everything. Such a wonderful night, the first step toward a life he was truly looking forward to. Happiness. Love. Investing in another who he was finally willing to admit that he cared for—who cared for him just the same. It was a dream, too good to be true… because it was.

She was in her bedroom right now, recovering from a fall that hadn’t hurt her nearly as much as it might. That was what Anthony focused on the most.That she is only a little bruised and beaten is good news. News that I should feel thrilled by! Yet, typical me, I cannot escape the obvious downside…

He could still see the moment in his mind’s eye when she was flung from her horse. He could still hear the sound of her body hitting the earth. And he could still feel the pain in his chest, the fear which spread through his body, for those few seconds where he did not know if she was alive or dead.

Anthony had admitted to himself days ago that he was starting to fall for Caroline. And tonight, when they had made love in that glade, he had accepted that he loved her. For the first time since his mother had passed away, he cared for someone else. He allowed himself to be emotionally open and available, giving himself to them, his entire being concerned only with them and how they were feeling.

The smile on Caroline’s lips as they walked from the glade together. The laughter in her voice. The look in her eyes that told him how she felt. For those few moments, it was all worth it and Anthony was able to forget why he was this way. And then… the fall.

It was for this reason that Anthony paced outside of Caroline’s bedroom door, while refusing to go in. It had been this way all morning, well after what would have been an appropriate time to check on her and see how she felt.

He knew that he should go to her—that he should be with her. Dammit, he wanted to! He wanted to sit by her side and tell her that he was there for her always, that nothing had changed between them, and that nothing ever would. He needed her to know that none of this was her fault. Yet fear took him, that deep panic felt at what might have happened had things gone slightly differently. Worse than that, what would happen the next time if a similar happenstance was to occur?

Anthony had never thought himself to be a coward, but now he had little choice but to admit it. He loved Caroline, too much, and that had him questioning everything he thought he knew about what he wanted from this marriage.

Is a happy marriage worth the cost? What if I was right to wish for nothing more than peace and quiet? At least that way there would be nobody to love, and thus nobody to feel hurt by.

“Your Grace...” From down the hall, a member of staff appeared. “Is something the matter?”

“Mr. Jeffries.” Anthony straightened, pretending to look nonchalant and disinterested. “Good that you are here. I was just about to send for you.”

“Your Grace?” He started toward Anthony.

“I will be out for the remainder of the day,” he lied. “Meaning that I will not be able to watch over Her Grace’s recovery, as I would like to do. I leave her health in your hands, Mr. Jeffries...” A raised eyebrow and a stern look to emphasize the seriousness of the request. “I trust this will not be a problem.”

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