Page 39 of Shot For Mercy

Cole smirks. “All I hear is that you want me.”

I roll my eyes playfully and smile. “You know I do.”

There’s a knock at the door, and Cole takes a few healthy steps back. Matteo walks in without waiting for permission, but I guess, thankfully, he knocked first. And then he looks between us, gaze flicking rapidly. He seems confused, which I guess I can’t blame him for. Cole has never been in my bedroom before while Matteo has been in the penthouse.

“What’s going on, Dad?” Matteo asks, and my stomach clenches with fear. “Why’s he in here?”

“Just have a job for him,” I reply calmly, even though my heart is beating erratically, and it feels like I’m going to throw up.

“And it couldn’t wait until you were out of the room?” He narrows his eyes at Cole, looking him over from top to bottom, eyes focused on his crotch. “Why are you still in your underwear?” Matteo asks Cole.

“Huh?” Cole plays dumb, looking down at himself. “Oh—that.” He chuckles. “I didn’t even realize it. My bad, Emiliano.”

“It’s fine,” I sigh. “Why don’t you guys put on a movie or something?” The one thing I don’t want is for them to spend even more time together right now, but I can only ask for so much. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them, and I’m not heartless. Just a jealous asshole, I guess. “I’ll be back tonight.”

Cole frowns, staring at me, and Matteo raises an eyebrow.

“What are we, five?” Matteo smirks, and I nod.

“Pretty much,” I tell him, grabbing my clothes and going to the bathroom to get changed. “See you later.”

“Bye, Dad.”

I get changed quickly into a gray suit with a white button-down, no tie. All the while remembering every second of last night. Every shared breath, every thrust, every bite. Fuck, if it wasn’t the hottest thing to ever happen to me. Sex with Cole is different from anything I’ve ever experienced. Maybe it’s because he’s a man and I’ve never been with one before, but it’s been the best experience of my life. He’s so responsive, so vocal, so perfectly made for me.

I can’t get enough.

It’s more than sex with him, though. I don’t know what it is about him that draws me in the way he does, but I’m starting to develop feelings for him, and I don’t know how to show him in a healthy way right now. All I know is that I need him viscerally, and he seems to need me just as much. I’ll learn how to calm the fuck down, but right now I’m going crazy with want. Want for us to be normal. For me to be able to claim him in front of everyone. For us to have something more than hidden sex. And I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m coming to terms with my relationship with Cole. I can want him—care for him—and it doesn’t take away from the love I feel for my son. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad dad or that I’m trying to hurt him—even if that’s what I’ll accomplish. It just means sometimes I want something for just myself, and even though I never know how to take what I want for fear that this life is too much for someone else, Cole is different. He’s already part of this life. There’s nothing I’d have to hide from him. I wouldn’t have to protect him from the truth. We could just be. Which is why we’re perfect for each other.

I just wish Matteo could understand. But I get that he believes Cole is the love of his life. I, on the other hand, don’t believe that. I think he has loved Cole fiercely their entire lives, and maybe he’s confusing that for being in love. Sex clouds judgment, after all. I’m not saying he doesn’t have feelings for him, but I bet if he gave someone else a chance, he could fall in love.

At least I hope so.

An hour later, I’m standing in my office, pacing the length of it. My brothers are sitting on the couch and the spare armchairs. Alessandro is looking at me like I grew a second head, and the rest of my brothers are either smirking or frowning. Probably because they’ve never seen me like this over anyone I’ve been attached to. Can they really blame me, though? How am I supposed to proceed?

“Can you tell us what the hell is going on?” Alessandro finally speaks up, and I stop to glance at him before I continue my pacing. I bring my hands to my hair and yank on the strands and Giovanni chuckles, the asshole. “You’re freaking us out.”

“Yeah, brother,” Giovanni says. “Do tell us what has your panties in a bunch.”

“Sex is clouding your judgment, huh?” Lorenzo grins, and I stop in my tracks. “Uh, oh. Hit a nerve.”

“Sure did.” Tony smirks.

“Can you all just fucking stop?” I snap. “I’m trying to think.” It’s a lie. I’m not trying to think about anything. I just need their advice and don’t know how to ask for it.

“Spill, Emiliano,” Alessandro sighs, clearly running out of patience. Out of all of us, he’s the least playful. “I don’t have all day.”

“Oh?” I murmur. “Do you have someone you want to tell us about?”

“Can you just get on with it?” Giovanni asks, and I narrow my eyes at him.

“Wait, doyouhave someone you want to tell us about, too?” I raise an eyebrow.

Giovanni’s face turns red, and he tenses but shakes his head, his lips in a tight line. “This is about you, not me.”

“Fine.” I sigh, stopping at my desk and leaning against it. I look out the floor to ceiling windows, the view of the city failing to calm me down. “I fucked Cole again.”

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