Page 76 of Shot For Mercy

“Fucking. Say. It.”

A sob escapes me, and I bite down on my bottom lip to keep the next one trapped in. I can’t do this. I have to leave. But the way he’s looking at me absolutely guts me. Like he’ll die if I don’t admit it. “I do, Matty. I do love you.” Fuck me, I mean it, but it’s not enough for us. “Fuck, please don’t leave.”

Matteo slams his lips to mine without warning, and I tighten my lips, not returning his kiss. He pries my jaw open with his fingers as he cups my face, and I gasp with pain as he slips his tongue into my mouth. Holy fuck. I have to stop this. I have to.

But I can’t help but myself from whimpering into his lips. Fuck, I hate myself now. I’m a fucked up person. I hate everything about this. Yet I can’t help but feel full for the first time since he left. My heart beats just a little faster as he strokes his tongue against mine, and I try to turn my face away from him. It’s useless though. His grip on my jaw is tight.

I shove him back, tears in my eyes as I shake my head. My bottom lip trembles. “Matty?—”

“No.” He shakes his head. “We’re over. This is over. I can’t be around you anymore.”

“Matty, please,” I beg. “Don’t do this!”

But he’s walking away now, and my knees buckle as I hear him whisper, “Goodbye, Cole.”

I slide down the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and laying my head down. I sob until I can’t breathe, and then I sob some more. I did this; I did it to myself. He told me if I admitted it, he’d walk away. Why did I have to say it? Why can’t I be fucking strong? Oh my God. I ruined everything.

Getting up, I brush the dirt away from my pants. I need to go inside and splash water on my face. I need to compose myself. I need to go back to Emiliano—the love of my life. I need to come clean. I need to?—

Suddenly, there are hands on my body, pulling me in one direction. I go to scream, but a cloth is draped over my mouth and nose in an instant, and I’m conscious long enough to see that I’m being led to a van on the side of the road.

The Russians.

I’m so fucked.

* * *

The smell of decay wakes me, and it’s hard to rouse. My eyes are heavy and I can’t open them. My tongue feels thick too, my mouth dry. I ache all over my body. Just where the fuck am I? My wrists hurt from the restraints, my shoulders too from my hands being pulled behind my back. I’m sitting on a chair, and it’s fucking freezing in here. I wonder how long it’ll be before they kill me. I can’t alert them to being awake, so I keep my eyes closed and attempt to breathe evenly. I’m not sure how long I’ve been here, but I couldn’t possibly have been unconscious for more than a few hours. Right? The idea of having been here longer than that is terrifying. Emiliano must be going crazy looking for me.

Maybe this is exactly what I deserve for fucking up. Maybe death is what I need. I fucked upbigtime. I didn’t mean to—fuck, I didn’t mean it. I also couldn’t help but return Matteo’s kiss just for one second. I knew deep down in my gut that it was the last one I’d ever have. That it was the last time I’d see him. I know now he’s probably going to disappear on us, never to return. I don’t even blame him.

I’m fucking devastated, and I’m not even the one who was betrayed. But I can’t help but feel that way—betrayed and abandoned, as well. He left me. He did the one thing he swore he’d never do. What did I expect, anyway? I hurt him beyond repair. I just expected something different. I guess I thought he’d understand. That he would get it. That he’d want me to be happy. But it seems he only wants me to be happy by his side, and fuck, I wish I could be. Except, my feelings for Emiliano can’t be ignored either. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Emiliano or Matteo.

Matteo or Emiliano.

At the end of the day, there’s really no choice to make. Matteo has to be my past, to give Emiliano and I a chance at a future. That doesn’t mean that I’m not hurting, that I’m not completely fucking eviscerated over my choices. In another life, Matteo could’ve been enough for me. I would’ve picked him. I wouldn’t have been in love with his dad, too.

Too.

Because isn’t that the truth? I’m in love with them both. And yet, the choice has already been made. If that means Matteo can’t be part of my life anymore, then so be it. Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know if I could handle him bringing someone else home. Sharing a life with someone who isn’t me. Isn’t that the most hypocritical thought I’ve ever had? But I never claimed to be perfect. No, I’m fucked up.Clearly.

A chair scrapes in front of me, and I tense, inhaling sharply. So much for pretending to be unconscious still. Fuck me sideways. They have to know now, and they probably do considering I feel eyes on me. It’s like a brand searing my skin, and I wonder what they see. Do I look as broken as I feel? Are my eyes puffy? Is my face still blotchy from crying? Just how long did they watch me cry outside that stupid hotel? They probably think I’m a pussy, but they’re about to find out just how strong I am. No matter what they say, what they do to me, I’ll never talk. Never betray my family. Will never give up any secrets or vital information about Emilianoorhis businesses. I’d rather die.

I hear a whoosh right before I feel the sting of a slap against my cheek, and my head rears to the side from the sheer force of it. I don’t make a sound though, and when I open my eyes, I see that it’s a pissed off Maxim Sokolov—the Pakhan. He’s staring daggers at me, his eyes intently on my face. He’s probably concocting plans right about now, trying to do the math in his head, trying to figure out what will break me down. Well, it’s going to take a fucking calculus class to figure me out, and he looks stupid as fuck. Definitely can’t do math.

“The prince awakes,” Sokolov says with a smirk. “And he’s been crying. How fucking sweet. Tell me, Cole. Are you heartbroken over Matteo? Fatherandson. I have to give it to you, you have balls.”

I tense, the urge to flinch strong, but I don’t dare move. I can’t show any fucking weakness, and he’s probably going to try to fuck with my head before he kills me. I can only hope it’s quick, but I doubt it. I won’t get the same treatment I gave his son. No, I’ll definitely be worse off. Much, much worse. Not that I was too kind to Andrey, considering I did slice him up, but at least I had mercy on him in the end.

“There are pictures, you know,” he says, and this time I look at him with narrowed eyes. He’s got a smile on his face, and I want to punch it clean off. But I can’t move, so there goes that. “I might just send them to your precious Emiliano. How do you think it’ll make him feel? You kissing his son?”

“Fuck you,” I spit, because there’s not much else I can do. I probably deserve it, even though I’d like to come clean on my own. I know my time to do that has passed. That ship has definitely sailed. Far, far away from me. “Do what you need to do.”

“Oh, I will.” He smirks. “Dmitri,” he growls, directing his attention to one of the guards. “Take his ring.”

My stomach drops straight down to my ass, and I swallow hard. Fuck, I hoped I could at least keep that. Hoped I could die with a piece of Emiliano on me, but no, he’s taking that away from me. He’s taking everything away. Em will probably hate me after he sees the pictures. Probably won’t come for me now, but I deserve it. What did I expect anyway? Fucking forgiveness? I was so, so wrong, and now I’ve lost them both.

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