Page 31 of Tuesday

Grinning at him I drop a kiss on his lips. “Let’s blow this joint.”

Rhodie

I relax back into the couch, the leather creaking under my weight as I watch my woman bustle around the Rev Room. There’s needles and empty vials on the stainless steel table she uses for her tools and Candice Rogers’ body exactly where we left it when Blanche went into labor. Neither of us are bothered though. In fact, leaving her for these past few hours has actually been helpful. Any piss she had in her is now down the drain. I mean, it won’t help with any shit she may have in her pants, but I’m sure Chewy doesn’t mind.

Chewy stands between Candice and her storage cupboard, looking at one, then the other.

“Need a hand babe?” I call out.

“I’m not sure whether I want to go with dismemberment or a good ol fashioned acid bath. OR something completely new and exciting.” Her eyes light up at that, before she frowns again.

“Well, what are the downsides to them all?”

Her face screws up a little as she purses her lips. “Well, dismemberment is always messy and super tiring and then we still have to get rid of the bits. Acid bath is efficient and not as hard to get rid of the waste.”

“And the new and exciting way?” I prompt when she doesn’t continue.

My Ol Lady’s eyes dart around and she starts to fidget. She’s done something. “Chewy, what have you done?”

“What? Nothing!” She’s still not saying anything so I stand, and cross my arms. She hates when I do that.

“Tuesday Tombs, what have you got planned?”

Her fingers tap their beat frantically before she stares me straight in the eye and says, “I’ve bought something.”

“Oooookay,”

“Gah! I’ve bought 200 litres of liquid nitrogen and a chipper.” her eyes are wide as she stares at me. I stare back. I mean, she did what?

We stand in silence, the only sound is a weird groan that Candice’s body makes, along with the trickling of more piss down the drain.

“You bought 200 litres of liquid nitrogen?” I ask in a hoarse voice. How the fuck did she manage that? I mean, the chipper I understand, they sell those at hardware stores and shit.

“Well, yeah. See, the plan is to use the compressor to spray her body with liquid nitrogen, thus flash freezing her. Then we put her through the chipper and straight onto the veggie garden out back,” Chewy says, bouncing a little on her toes like it’s the best plan she’s had in a long time. It’s not terrible.

Then I realize what she’s said. “Nope, no way, you can fertilize the trees and shit out back, but not the veggies. Fuck that, I already don’t want to eat salad now, I aint eating it if it’s got this bitch all over it,” I thrust my chin in Candice’s direction. “Besides, Mama Debs will kill you.”

“Huh,” she says, as if it didn’t even occur to her that maybe, just maybe sprinkling her victims over the garden patch might be a bad thing. “Well, OK then. Just over the back yard. Happy?”

“Very.”

“Good. So, which one do you think we should do?”

A slow smile grows over my face. “Ice and chipper, baby.”

* * *

“You know, that was a lot quicker to clean up than I expected.” Chewy says, cuddling Chomper to her chest, as we gaze down at Laney, fast asleep in her bed.

After that first night we converted it to a toddler bed, seeing as she’s a big girl and all that.

“Yeah. It was pretty fucking cool. Less messy with her being frozen too,” I agree.

Her head bobs in my periphery and she drops a kiss to Chomper’s snout, dodging his lazy snap. I let out a huff and run my hand over Laney’s baby soft hair, sifting it through my fingers. A little smile plays on her lips so I do it again, then crouch, laying my head on her pillow, staring into her sleeping face.

“Daddy loves you, Laney-May. No matter what happens, I’ll always be there to kick asses for you.”

Chewy runs her fingers through my hair as I gently press a kiss to Laney’s forehead. Standing, I gaze down at my woman. The person who came into my life, turned it upside down and somehow made it infinitely better.

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