Page 14 of Rough

I lost all sensation as I let go. My body rode a high that I’d never felt before. I was still moving and seeking this thrill, but I was no longer in control. I felt as if my body was contorting into three. Sharp pangs danced along my skin as the spasms wrecked me. I screamed out in pain and pleasure until nothing else came out. I passed out somewhere between eureka and an epiphany so outstanding that my mind couldn’t comprehend it.

“Baby…”

I tried to open my eyes, but everything hurt so badly. I yelped but didn’t move a muscle.

“Shh … I’ll make it better.”

Slowly, Salt lifted us from the couch and I shivered against him in pain, and because I was freezing. As gingerly as he could, he made his way to the bathtub, where he cleaned us both. He left me to bring a thick bathrobe back to keep me warm once I was out of the tub. He carried me to bed, where he tucked me in tight before disappearing to the kitchen. I knew he’d be back. He’d even reassured me he would be. But the unrealistic fear still surfaced. And when he came back, I was a crying mess again. Fears echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t stop the rapid flow of negative thoughts.

He was right here, yet every bad thought was swarming so fast that I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t speak. I could only squeeze my eyes closed, yelling inside my head for it all to stop.

“Stop!” He commanded.

All thoughts ceased, and I struggled to breathe.

“I’m right here.”

I nodded. Afraid to speak.

“Lauren, how long have you been experiencing this drop?”

I didn’t know. It felt like weeks. I seemed to need him all the time. And the more I did, the more I pushed him away. I feltfoolish and psychotic. Nobody should ever need somebody this badly. I hadn’t known it was a drop. I just knew the faucet of horrible emotions never seemed to stop running. How had he known?

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Okay!” I snapped. It was too much. “I’ve been trying to keep it together. The more that I tried, the crazier I felt. I’m broken, Salt. I can’t handle relationships. Not anymore. I’ve really tried, but it just doesn’t work. Ironically, I end up with stalkers and assholes who don’t know how to treat me. I wanted things to work with you. But I just can’t seem to catch the ground. I keep spiraling deeper into this… this… funk!”

“Baby, it’s not that easy. You’ve got to work on it. Depending on how far you’ve dropped, it’ll take time. We can do it together, but you’ve got to let me in. As far as the ridiculous fuckers before me, I’m not interested in them, just you.”

“No, I…”

“That wasn’t optional, girl.”

I pouted. Bottom lip out. Full grunt and squeal. Arms folded. Scowl across my face. Pouted.

Salt took a chocolate cookie from the plate that he’d placed on the bedside table and took a big bite. He took one of the two glasses of milk and sipped it while he ignored my fit. I gasped in shock. He was snacking without me!

“Ready to stop acting like a brat?”

I wasn’t acting like a brat. I was just … I sighed.

“Yes, Sir.”

“And you’re ready to let me in?”

I mumbled my response.

“I don’t understand that shit. Told you before. My girl isn’t afraid to talk to me.”

“I just … what if you grow bored with me?”

“I’m too creative to let that be the case. And trust me … you’re colorful all on your own.”

“What if I change? I won’t be this youthful forever. And if you keep feeding me snacks at bedtime, I’m going to be huge!”

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