Page 12 of Chronicles of a Rockin' Mess

“We’ll see you then. I reckon we’re gonna have a lot to talk about. Fly safe, Lark,” he says, and we disconnect.

I stare at the phone and realize I have three missed texts: one from Gwen, one from Kade, and one from Harry. I sigh. I can’t handle Gwen, and Harry will only talk me into coming back, so I call Kade.

“What’s going on?” he asks, his voice all breathy like he’s been running.

“I quit,” I answer.

“What?!” he screams into the phone.

“I. Quit,” I repeat, putting emphasis on the last word.

“Oh, come on, Lark. Don’t be dramatic. I know he’s been a super douche lately, but we’ll sort it out. I promise. Just come on back, and I’ll meet you there,” he says, his voice calm and reassuring.

“Kade, I need to make this perfectly clear. I am not going back. I am done. Last straw. Final show. It’s over. I’ve taken a position with another band, and I’m on the way to the airport right now,” I say. OK, that last part is sort of a lie, but at the moment, I really don’t care.

“W-what?” he says, stammering over the word.

“Kade, I love you and Harry. I do. And I’d do anything for the band, but…I just can’t anymore. I can’t be what he needs me to be. He’s gone too far. Someone has to teach him a lesson. He can’t have everything, and he sure as fuck can’t have me as a PA anymore. But don’t worry, I’m sending a text to Brittany. Remember her, she fills in for me when I’m not available, she was just mentioning wanting to get a permanent gig, so this’ll be perfect. She pretty much knows how to run everything already,” I explain as I quickly type out a text to her. I barely hit send, and Brittany replies back with a “hell, yes.” I laugh a bitter laugh; the poor girl doesn’t know what the hell she is getting into.

“I gotta go, Kade. Give Harry my best, and I hope the rest of the tour goes well,” I say to him.

“Wait. You’re serious,” he says.

“Yes, Kade,” I reply.

I hear him sigh. “I don’t know what he did this time, but I’m sorry,” he says to me.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” I tell him.

“Take care of yourself, Lark. And if there’s anything, anything at all, that you ever need, I’m just a phone call away, alright?” he says.

“Thanks, Kade,” I say. And I hang up. I stare out the window for the remainder of the ride, taking it all in. We pass by places that I always told myself that I’d go to, we pass by restaurants where I always said I would eat. I laugh bitterly. I never had the time, and when I did, I just wanted to hide away from the madness.

I sadly remember the girl that arrived here. I wanted so badly to be a part of everything. I wanted to make it. And taking the job with Voltage Drop was what I thought would propel me into the music industry.

But instead, I became Lincoln’s PA. That’s all I became known for. On occasion, I would sing at open mic night, but I never did take the time to work on myself. I am twenty-one years old, and I have nothing to show for it. Most of my friends from high school are graduating from college this year or next. And here I am, with no boyfriend, no career, nothing. I wipe a stray tear from my eye and make a vow to myself. I will no longer bow to others. From this day forward, Lark Sutton is a new woman.

Lincoln

What the fuck did I just do? Gretchen screeches at me, but I don’t hear a goddamn word of it because all of my attention is on Lark’s face as it disappears from my view. I did what I planned to do. I knew she wouldn’t leave if I didn’t. I knew she would stay and never pursue her own dreams. Her words only confirmed what I thought. But the look of total devastation on her face as Gretchen sucked my cock was worse than anything I could have ever imagined.

I may have single-handedly just broken her, not just her heart, but her. What the fuck was I thinking?

I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I should have told her that I loved her. I should have told her I needed her and not just to deal with stupid band shit. But instead, I just killed any chance I ever had with her.

I’m half-aware that Gretchen just got in her car and left. I stare down at my phone and press the only number I want to call…her. She doesn’t pick up, and I feel my heart breaking in two. I call Kade, but it goes to voicemail. I call Harry, but he doesn’t answer. I sit in a crumpled pile on my front porch.

I’ll never be able to make this right. I swallow the emotion threatening to rise. I stand up and solidify a wall around my heart. It’s over, but I’m a motherfucking rock star, and the show must go on.

Chapter 7

Eighteenish months later…

Lark

I close my eyes and let the final words of the song come streaming out of my mouth. I feel those words. I love singing the blues. It’s like my deep, jagged voice was made for it, and my soul is one with the sad lyrics. My voice fades as I hear the final notes of the melody on Leo’s saxophone. The room is momentarily silent before the crowd breaks into applause. I open my eyes to look at the small crowd gathered at the bar. It’s jazz night, and we just finished our set. I take a bow and turn to head off stage.

“Nice job,” Hank says and gives me a fist bump before pulling me in for a hug.

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