Page 19 of Chronicles of a Rockin' Mess

I quickly put “I’ll Make Love to You” by Boyz to Men on and look up at him. He freezes and then winks at me before heading downstairs to let in Celia.

I sigh and quickly exit his room. I head back to my room but decide to go lie on a lounge chair by the pool. I’m really getting quite tired of this sexy song game. I didn’t think it would be this hard to be around him. When I agreed to come back here, I thought enough time had passed. I thought I could just be his PA. I thought my feelings for him would have diminished with time. I was so very wrong.

I throw myself on the chair and look back at the house. I can see his bedroom light turn on. I force myself to pull up a book on my phone, and I curl up to read it.

Lincoln

Celia’s beautiful. I should be enjoying making out with her right now, but I can’t keep my head in the game. Every damn song that comes on makes me think of Lark.

I was worried when I first saw Lark. Well, I was pissed also, at Kade. He doesn’t know that I sent her away on purpose, so it’s not really his fault for bringing her back. But I was still angry. And Lark looked thin. Lark was never a waif, supermodel girl. She’s always had curves, the type of curves a man wants to feel. She doesn’t look bad now, just thinner, leaner. A few times I’ve seen her flex a muscle, and I can tell she’s been working out. That made me feel better. If she’s going to lose weight, I’d rather it be because she’s hitting the gym than not eating.

I internally curse myself for not having checked in on her more. I kept dibs on her from afar. I knew she was singing with Magnolia Tear, and I watched some videos online of them. She’s amazing, just like I knew she’d be. My girl is amazing. I don’t realize what I’ve just thought until it slaps me in the face. My girl.

“Hey, everything OK?” Celia asks, stopping mid-kiss and pulling back.

“I…uh…sorry,” I stutter, not sure how to tell Celia that I’m in love with another woman.

Celia leans back against my headboard and looks at me.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” she asks.

I’m surprised by the fact that she neither looks upset nor sad by this possibility. I’m momentarily confused until it dawns on me. She’s found someone else as well.

“Would that be a bad thing?” I ask her slowly.

She shrugs. “Truth?” she asks, looking up at me from beneath her long lashes. She really is quite beautiful.

I nod.

“I’m sorta getting feelings for Greg,” she admits.

“Greg Harris? From your show?” I ask her.

She bites her lip and nods.

“I sort of have feelings for someone else too,” I say to her.

“Well, I guess that means we probably should end whatever this has been,” she replies as she motions between us.

“I guess…Gwen’s gonna hate it,” I say to her with a half grin. She laughs.

“Oh, come on, everyone loves your bad-boy persona. I’m just cramping your rocker style,” she replies.

I place my hand on her cheek. “I’m glad we met, Celia. And I’m sorry this isn’t it. But I’m glad we are both on the same page about it,” I admit. I always hate having to end it with women, and this time I would have felt like a real ass because if I wasn’t head over heels in love with Lark, Celia would surely be my dream woman.

Celia smiles at me. “I’m glad we met too, Lincoln. Truth?” she asks again. I nod.

She leans in close to me. “You’re not as bad as everyone thinks you are,” she whispers before kissing my cheek and pulling back.

I give her a sad smile because I’m not sure I agree with her, but I also know I need to sort some things out before I can have Lark.

“Can we keep this on the down-low for a few days?” I ask her.

“Uh…sure, why?” she asks.

“I…well, I…need some time,” I start.

Celia’s eyes suddenly get very large. “You are in love with Lark, aren’t you?” she gasps, clapping her hands together. I’m taken aback by her guess and also by how this entire conversation has gone.

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