Page 45 of Chronicles of a Rockin' Mess

“Sorry…,” I say to her.

“Sorry?”

“I sort of bailed on you guys.”

“We’re still here for you, Lark. I know you said you needed time, but we can still be friends. There’s more to our friendship than the band,” she states. And I know it’s true. I know I’ve been a shitty friend.

“You want to go get an early dinner tonight? Just the girls?” I ask her. She grins.

“I’d like that. I’m sure we can talk Savannah into it.”

“Cool, I’ll search for some restaurants,” I say, typing up a search in my phone.

Chapter 22

Lincoln

“Where are you guys going for dinner?” I ask Lark when she tells me about her plans.

“I found a Korean barbeque place,” she says.

“What if I need something?” I ask her. I realize I sound like a jerk the second the words leave my mouth.

“Well, that’s why they invented cell phones,” she grumbles.

“Fine,” I mumble as I flip through pointless television channels.

“I ordered you your favorite for dinner. Room service should be up in thirty minutes. I left tip money by the door,” she says. I roll my eyes because she sounds more like my mom than my PA.

“Yeah, I can handle it,” I say to her. “I can also wipe my ass and brush my teeth, Mom.”

“Great, then see, you don’t need me,” she says and walks toward the door.

“Have fun,” I say to her, and I do mean it.

She pauses, her hand on the doorknob. “Thanks,” she says quietly as she opens the door and leaves.

It’s so quiet when she leaves, too quiet. I’m left completely alone for the first time in a long time. Just me and my thoughts, and that’s a dangerous combination. I try to find something on TV, but every channel seems to stir unwanted memories. I turn the damn thing off and walk to my balcony. I look up at the night sky. With all the city lights, only the major constellations are visible. I find the Big Dipper.

“Hi, Carrie,” I whisper. I shake my head at myself. It’s so stupid; it’s not like she can hear me, but, just as I’m about to walk back inside, I see a shooting star, and I stop. “If that’s you, you better give me another sign, or I’m outta here.”

There’s a long moment where I hold my breath, hoping for something, but nothing happens. I’m just about to go back inside when another shooting star streaks across the night sky.

“Damn it, Carrie,” I say a little louder. “Even in death, you are a pain in my ass.”

I run a hand over my face and through my hair. I prop my elbows on the railing and look up at the Big Dipper again.

“I don’t know what to do. I think I love her, but why would she want to be with me. I’m no good for her. I can’t possibly make her happy. I’m nothing but a fucked-up, asshole rock star,” I curse. “I wish you were here. Maybe, I wouldn’t be such a dick, then.” I chuckle at that thought.

“Or maybe I would.”

I don’t know what comes over me, but I sit down in a chair and pour my soul out to my dead sister. I tell her all about the band, the tour, my life, and especially, Lark. I tell her how I suck at being a son, and that Mom and Dad are great, but they can’t get over losing her, and I can’t be around them because it breaks my fucking heart. I’m not sure how long I go on, but a knock at the door draws my attention back to the present.

My food. I groan and go get the door. So much for my free therapy session.

Lark

“Oh my god! Did you see her outfit?” Amelia says, wiping tears away from her eyes as she giggles uncontrollably.

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