Page 106 of Blood & Betrayals

“So,” Farrah says, pulling my attention as she reaches for the binder, “this is the binder.”

It sits heavily in her lap, the edges bursting and tabs of every color bristling along the sides.

“I understand you and Connor are very new, and if you don’t want to look through this, I completely understand.” She taps her fingers against the cover. “My boys are my whole life, Summer, and I want them to be happy.” She hesitates for a second. “Connor has never… spoken of any girl he has dated.” Her lips twitch and she looks up as the guys burst from the house, roughhousing and yelling playful insults at each other. Uriel throws a ball to Zane and Connor runs out onto what I assume will become a makeshift field. “He called me the morning after you met.” She laughs softly. “He said, Mom, I’ve met the one. I started your binder after that call.”

I watch as Connor tackles Zane to the ground, his booming laugh carrying over the garden.

“He’s a special guy.” I smile. “You did a really good job.” My stomach curdles at the truth in my words. Surrounded by such a happy and close-knit family, I worry I will never be enough.

Farrah smiles widely, looking at her boys. “Thank you.” She looks at me, holding my gaze. “He did well in choosing you.”

I look away.

“I know you don’t know me very well, and I know you don’t trust easily, but I know what it’s like to feel as if you’re not enough. All I’m going to say to you is…” She waits until I meet her eyes again. “You do not get to decide your worth to someone else. Only they do.”

The words strike true, spearing me through the chest, but there is no pain. Instead, I am filled with a warm, fuzzy comfortthat I imagine is what a mother’s love feels like, and I don’t know what to do with any of that.

If Farrah senses my confusion, she doesn’t show it. She taps the book again with her nails. “Okay, are we ready to dive in? Again, these are just preliminary thoughts. We can change whatever you want.”

I nod, and Farrah opens the binder. The front page hasSummer & Connorin the most intricate calligraphy I’ve ever seen. She’s about to flip the page when Connor jogs over and sits on the arm of the loveseat, kissing my head.

“Time’s up, Mom. I’m going to show Summer around.”

Farrah closes the book. “But we’ve barely started!”

Uriel walks over and kisses Farrah’s head. “My love, there will be all the time in the world for binders.”

She sighs. “All right then, later,” she says, looking up at her husband with such tenderness. This has to be why she’s obsessed with marriage. She hopes for her children to have something similar.

Connor stands up, pulling me with him. “I know, Mom. It’s torture.”

We’re about to walk back into the house when I turn back to Farrah, hesitating for a moment before saying to her, “The binder looks wonderful. I look forward to working on it with you.” I force a smile, trying to hide my unease at even that small admission of belonging.

Farrah’s eyes go wide, and she beams. Uriel chuckles, sitting down in my space and pulling his wife into his side.

Connor squeezes my hand. “Want to see my room?”

I nod and follow him up the stairs. Connor smiles at me. “You know, that comment will probably make her cry later.”

My lips twitch, and I look at the photos lining the wall. The entire family is perfectly represented. The house has a similar layout to the Morningstar House on campus but is less frat boyand infinitely more homey. Connor’s room is in the same place in this house as the one on campus, and he leads me down the hallway to it. I smile when I notice his door is missing the poorly etchedCONNOR, and in its place is a blue and white placard with his name expertly engraved.

“Mom and Dad wanted us to feel at home in Avalon, so they had the Morningstar House built for us,” Connor explains as he notices me looking around. He opens his bedroom door, and I smile when I’m greeted with his scent. Though the room is somewhat familiar, there are differences. The room reads like a visual history of him. There is a large light blue toy box withConbearpainted on the front. He has little metal cars, a slew of action hero figures, karate equipment, a wall of archangel posters, and framed articles about his dad. Then there’s a full wall of Avalon memorabilia.

Connor walks over to his window and holds his hand out to me. I walk over to him, sliding my fingers over his palm. The view outside steals my breath with its beauty. Silver City sparkles in the sunlight. Silver and gold skyscrapers stretch into the sky. Their bases are rooted firmly in the various clouds, but they drift slightly, rising and falling through the pastel-hued air. The sun here emits a light so pure that the feel of it against my skin is almost soothing. The beams catch on the tops of the buildings, sending a spattering of rainbows through the room.

“Woah.” I gasp the word and take a moment just to feel the space and bask in the wonder of it. Connor wraps his arm around my back, pulling me close to kiss the top of my head. We stand in comfortable silence, and I savor the calm. I didn’t realize until now that Connor has been everything but calm since Gia’s murder.

“So, what will the sleeping arrangement be while we’re here?” I ask after a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, am I staying in a spare room or…?”

I look up at him when he doesn’t reply immediately. He is staring down at me, his golden brows drawn in confusion. “You think there’s a spare room around here?”

“Rafe’s room, then?”

Connor grimaces a little. “No.”

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