Page 19 of The One Before

My breathing gets wobbly and I fall to my knees. I stare at her beautiful face. I think of what Cooper must have done to her. The only thought worse, is that he got away with it. I begin crying. At first my sobs are shallow, then they fall heavy and deep. I’m wailing in the middle of the courtyard as I might if I were alone in my motel room.

On the sidewalk, strangers stop and watch, but they don’t dare approach. Their stares are confused, then sympathetic. We humans are drawn to tragedy in the same way we’re mesmerized by fire: its power, its unpredictability, its warmth. Being near heartache reflects how cold we never realized we were. We watch on thinking,Those poor people. We never dare to think,Poor us. The only time we are untouchable is when faced with another person’s misfortune.

I’m on the other side of things now. Let them look; I don’t care what they think. They’re catching a small glimpse of the grief I live with every day. None of them know the connection I feel to this beautiful girl. None of them could understand the determination I have to bring her justice.

And just like that, my passion for vengeance is renewed. Cooper Douglas will know what it’s like to be on the other side of grief. I’ll make sure of it.

Twelve

June 16, 2006

Cooper sat on the dock, his bare feet cooling in the water. Celia was still sitting in his truck. Just as they arrived, Celia’s mother called. Even though they were in the midst of their own argument, he knew she would answer. She always did. Celia and her mother had a complicated relationship. He was happy he didn’t have to meet the woman. He thought it was shitty she gave up on Celia as a child. His family dynamic was so different. His parents were strict at times, but they always made him feel safe, secure and wanted.

He knew Celia never had any of that. It’s what most people at school couldn’t understand about her. When her catty side came out, they didn’t see all the feelings of inadequacy she suppressed. That same vulnerability made him love her, and he thought a quick conversation with her mother might put Celia in a slightly more sentimental state. He needed a softer Celia right now. Because even though he loved her, he wouldn’t stick around if she was cheating on him.

His car door slammed, and Celia thundered down the bank leading to the dock. She’d unraveled her braid and changed into a white bikini. He expected she’d claim it was for the party later, but he knew better. She was trying to distract him through sex appeal, a trick that might have worked on any other day. But not now.

She sat beside him, crossing her legs and propping herself up on her elbows. She smiled, and he could smell the citrus body spray seeping from her pores.

“What did your mom say?”

“Just a bunch of this and that.” Celia looked away, at the trees plunging into the lake. “She’s already planning another visit to Whisper.”

“If she wants a relationship with you, why doesn’t she just move here?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. Right now, we can talk and visit without her feeling like a total screw-up. Things might sour if we’re around each other twenty-four seven.”

“But she’s your mom.”

“My aunt does what she can.” She looked at him, her eyes distant. “Right now, Mom is more like a friend. That’s what I need more than anything.”

“I don’t get it.” He knew better than to push the subject. Celia didn’t like talking about emotional things. When things got heavy, she usually just took her top off to lighten the mood. But he resented this woman he’d never met for taking advantage of Celia. She’d robbed her of her innocence and didn’t even know it. She’d made her cruel.

“I know we’re not here to talk about my mom.” Celia hooked her arm around Cooper’s and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Will you tell me what’s been bothering you all week?”

“You don’t have any idea?” He gently unlaced his arm from hers and scooted away. “What’s going on with you and Steven Burns?”

“Oh my gosh.” Celia tossed her head back, letting her locks dangle. “That’s what you’re upset about?”

“I’ve heard from three different people who saw you with him at last week’s bonfire—”

“There were lots of people at last week’s bonfire. Is that why Jimmy was acting all weird earlier?”

“Jim is my best friend. He’s not okay with you cheating on me,” Cooper said. “What’s going on with you and Steven?”

“Maybe if you came out more, you’d know. But no, you’re always busy running around doing Mama Douglas’ bidding.”

“My family has nothing to do with this.”

Celia smirked. She dipped her shins in the water and leaned back. “You can either believe me or listen to town gossip. I have no desire to be with the likes of Steven Burns.”

“It’s not just that. I found that T-shirt in your car last week. And you’ve been so shifty lately every time you get a call or text.”

“I told you, the shirt belonged to my cousin. And I don’t know what you’re talking about.Being shifty. What’s making you so paranoid?”

“It’s just the way you act with people, Celia. Like we’re all little puppets. You play people, and I don’t like the idea of being played.”

“We’re on the same team, Cooper.” She cupped his chin and wiggled his face. “I adore you. I’m practically counting down the days until I graduate, and we can get married.”

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