Page 65 of The One Before

I did exactly as Madison instructed. I try not to be too critical of her, but I can’t help being frustrated with the fact she hasn’t left Cooper. I’ve driven by their house every day this week, and her car is still parked in the driveway. Its presence worried me at first. What if he’d done something to her? Hearing her voice over the phone alleviated that stress, but I’m tired of waiting for what comes next. I’ve spent the last decade of my life waiting. Telling Madison about Cooper was supposed to put an end to all of this, not drag it out further.

Each day, I wait for a sign from Madison. A call. A text. She told me not to reach out, but I don’t think she’s stopping to think about how excruciating that is for me. It’s been days since I did what she told me to do.

I dial her number, my heart sinking after each unanswered ring. When it goes to voicemail, I’m defeated. Doesn’t Madison understand I’m already in purgatory, that she’s now the person deciding my fate? I press redial, intending to leave a message. Instead, the line connects.

“Hello?” she whispers into the phone.

“Madison?” I’m so happy to hear her voice again. “Are you okay?”

“You can’t call me. I told you—”

“I did as you told me.” I can hear her scurrying around on the other end of the line. “I only want to know what all this means.”

“You have to leave me alone,” she says. This time her volume is louder, and her tone is sterner. “I have nothing more to say to you.”

“What are you talking about? Madison, please don’t do this to me now. Just—”

There’s more turmoil on the other end. I panic, thinking maybe I’ve put her in a dangerous position by calling. How selfish of me! My need for understanding outweighed her safety. Then, the activity finishes. I hear shallow breaths puffing into the receiver.

“Madison?” I ask.

“This is Cooper.”

His voice pierces through my skin, jolting fear into my heart. I almost drop the phone. This is our most direct interaction in years. Our first real communication since the vigil. I want to lunge through my device and scratch him. I should have known better than to go through Madison, expecting a different outcome. I should have gone after him.

“Helena? Are you there?” he asks.

“Yes,” I say, my voice shaky.

“Helena, you need to leave us alone now,” he says, calmly. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“I’vedone enough damage!” The outrage of such a statement! Coming from the man I know killed my daughter. “You’ve never taken accountability for what you’ve done. Cooper, you—”

“We’ve tried to handle this civilly,” he continues, cutting me off. “If you try to communicate with either one of us, we’ll be seeking a restraining order. Again.”

The phone clicks off. I fall to my knees, melting into the stained carpet of this God-awful motel room. Anguish leaves my body in a medley of moans and tears. I can’t believe I’ve just talked to him. That he knows I’ve talked to her. I can’t believe I’m no closer to achieving the justice I came here to find.

Fifty-One

Madison

Coop places the phone on the kitchen counter.

“Why did you have to get involved?” I ask. I’m angry. Ever since he told me about Laura, he’s been inserting himself more into my life. I don’t like it, this sense of losing control. I don’t let him see my disappointment; I continue cooking dinner like nothing is wrong.

“How long has she been calling you?”

“She called once a few days ago. I called back, not realizing it was her.”

“What did she say?”

“It wasn’t a long call. When I realized it was Helena, I told her not to call back.”

“And yet here she is. She’s changed her number.” He slaps a palm against the refrigerator. “The woman won’t stop.”

“I’m sure she will now that you’ve talked to her.” I walk past him and return to the chopping block. I resume slicing carrots.

“Are you angry with me?” he asks, his voice delicate. I think of how I treated Coop when I first learned people suspected him of killing Celia. I was reluctant to admit it then, but now I know I was watching him, analyzing his every move as a sign of whether he could be trusted. That’s how he watches me now.

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