Page 82 of The One Before

“I’m happy you came,” she says, her lips close to my ear. “You could have joined us on the beach.”

“I thought it would be best to let you visit with the people who knew her.”

She sits beside me. We stare ahead, and for a moment, don’t say anything, just listen to the waves crash along the shoreline.

“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” Helena asks.

I nod. I’ve never been to South Carolina before. The atmosphere is so different from the mountains in Whisper and the streets of Atlanta. I imagine Helena’s life is different here, too. Normal.

“Are you back in Atlanta?” she asks.

“Just briefly,” I say, looking down. This is the first time I’ve seen Helena since the night she rescued me. Being this close to her brings back painful memories. “I’m staying with my friend Beth. I accepted a job in another state, so I’ll be leaving soon.”

“That’s wonderful.” Helena’s voice rises an octave. She’s happy I’m making progress. “Change is good.”

Helena and I talk on the phone from time to time, mainly when there’s a development in the case. Every few weeks there’s something, it seems. I think Roman is working on a deal, but Josephine is adamant about going to trial. They made the decision to re-open Celia’s case, so more charges could be pending. Then there was news Laura’s body had been discovered. Contrary to Cooper’s claims that her death was accidental, Laura’s skull had multiple fractures. A single fall didn’t cause her death; pure rage did. Maybe to him it was an accident. He hadn’t meant for her to die. The anger he displayed that night was beyond his own comprehension, ruining so many lives in the process.

I feel the most sympathy for Regina. Her family was taken from her all at once, and yet, I think that’s what she needed. Now she can stop worrying about being a Douglas and just be herself. I’ve only spoken to her once since the arrests, after Laura’s body was found. Until then, she was still in denial about Cooper’s involvement, but she couldn’t explain away a body or multiple skull fractures or Roman’s corroboration. I don’t think she’s completely forgiven me for turning on her brothers, but she’s slowly coming to terms with her family’s sins. Their faults turned out to be so much worse than she’d wanted to admit. Bailey and I keep in touch; she too is hoping for Regina’s forgiveness. It’s a long road ahead for all of us.

“How’ve you been?” I ask. Helena has given me updates over the phone. I know she’s started working with a therapist and attending AA meetings, which is a step in the right direction, but it’s better to see how a person is actually coping in person.

“I’m doing better. I still miss her, but at least now I have clarity.” She smiles. “Today has been really nice, hearing the impact she had on people during her short life. It’s important to know she still matters.”

The desperation and bitterness Helena once exhibited has lifted. Nothing will bring Laura back, but I’d like to think the old Helena is emerging, piece by piece.

“I’ll be in town for a few days,” I say. “We should get dinner.”

“I’d like that.” She stands, smoothing the wrinkles in her dress. “My church is hosting a luncheon following the wake. That’s where I’m headed. Would you like to come?”

“I think I’ll stay.” I smile. I’ve had my share of feeling like an outsider. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the beach.”

Helena doesn’t push the subject, but she initiates another hug. This time when she pulls me in, my emotions buckle. She feels me shaking and squeezes tighter.

“Thank you, Madison. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me,” she whispers.

I watch her walk away. I think about all the pain she’s been through, the pain Cooper caused, and my conflicted emotions in loving him. Bits of those affectionate feelings remain, but I realize now I only loved parts of Cooper Douglas. I didn’t have a full understanding of him until the end. Sadly, I don’t think he ever understood himself. He was caught between who his family wanted him to be and what the people in his hometown labeled him. The end result was a person who couldn’t handle his own emotions, couldn’t live in a world beyond his control. At least I was able to bring Helena a small amount of closure, which almost makes my lonely weeks in Whisper Falls, and the heartache that followed, worthwhile.

The breeze picks up, bringing the smell of the sea closer. All around me I hear joyful laughter and gulls calling and the ocean’s thundering waves.

I don’t know who I am after all this. I don’t think I’m a full person anymore—maybe I never was. Instead, I’m all these fragments of a person. A journalist who made a mistake. A woman who fought for others. A lover who made a choice. Most people would say this is where I start over, but I think I’m in the hard middle of my journey.

I just have to keep going.

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