Page 29 of Advanced Chemistry

Disregarding the fact that I had zero interest in driving in a convertible, there was something about Anton’s description that hit home for me unexpectedly. I didn’t know who that Chase was, but I wanted to meet him. I wanted to spend time with someone who saw that Chase. All my life, I had allowed people to label me as weird or quirky. Nobody had ever said I was fascinating, that I was a mystery worth solving.

“You really think I’m fascinating?”

“I’m not bullshitting you.”

I had an urge to hold his hand, but I resisted. Somehow, that seemed more inappropriate than sprouting an erection on school grounds.

“How can you make this bold of an assessment after one day with me? You have a scarcity of data.”

“But it hasn’t been one day. I spent a whole year in your classroom. I watched you get excited when talking through chemical equations and how you kept pushing us to do more complicated experiments. You were getting us to live on the edge, in a way.”

“That’s a generous reading.”

“You are unlike any person I’ve met. And I’ve met a lot of people. I talk to people all day with my business. I’m used to sizing someone up quickly.” Anton leaned against the vending machine. “I’m able to put people into buckets and tailor my talk track. There are introverts, extroverts, East Coast directness and Midwestern niceness, people who love to smalltalk and people who love to observe. But you, Chase Mathison, deserve your own box.”

“I always saw it as a curse. I never really fit in anywhere.” It was easy to open up to Anton. Was there a better feeling than a person taking interest in you? I was sure psychologists and specialists in human behavior could provide a better explanation, but for now, I let myself feel a glow building inside me.

“Fitting in is overrated.”

“You seemed to do a good job of it. From what I observed in the halls, you seemed to be popular in high school.” Teachers liked to claim that we were above following the social dynamics of our students, but it wasn’t hard to see the stratifications of popularity.

Anton shrugged and played it off, the natural response of anyone who was called popular. He twinged with discomfort at the label, as much as I did at being called weird.

“You were trying to fit in. It probably wasn’t easy being an out gay athlete in high school.”

“It was a constant tightrope walk.”

“It wasn’t easy being a gay nerd either. I could talk all I wanted about how much I lovedStar Trek, but I could never say that I found Chris Pine attractive.” People made the incorrect assumption that so-called nerds were more accepting. To the contrary: they could be just as hostile and exclusionary as our jock nemeses.

“I laughed off homophobic jokes and comments in the locker room. I had to. I didn’t want to be labeled as sensitive.”

“You never wanted to make things uncomfortable for them,” I said. Because no matter what, it was always about them.

A quiet moment of understanding simmered between us.

“I knew there was a reason why you were my favorite teacher.”

“Apparently, you’re not alone. I was nominated for Teacher of the Year.” Even though it was a nomination predicated on revenge, and nothing that I could put on a resume, I couldn’t help sharing.

“Congratulations! It’s about time someone other than Simkins and Gonzalez won. If you could make chemistry interesting to an idiot like me, then you definitely deserve an award.”

“Anton, you’re not an idiot.” I was offended on behalf of him. “You’re a very intelligent, smart young man.”

He scrunched his eyebrows together, as if I were crazy. “Okay.”

“It’s true.”

“I was a C-minus student.”

“I was once a C-student, too.”

“No shit. Really?”

I bowed my head in confirmation. “I struggled in school, but I worked hard to improve my grades as I got older. People think that being smart is an inherent and unchanging quality within us, but really it’s like any other muscle. The more you train it, the smarter you get. Albert Einstein wasn’t a great student either.”

“The hair guy? Seriously?”

“He struggled, too. When you were engaged in class, you did well. You would ask good questions. Some kids have natural smarts, which only gets them so far. But you’re smart, and you have grit and curiosity, which will take you farther than they could ever dream.”

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