Page 54 of Advanced Chemistry

The logic pieced itself together in my head. “In most experiments, the reason molecules don’t link together is because of an inactive chemical. There may need to be more of this chemical added or subtracted in order to get the balance just right. Perhaps one could look at Sebastian as this inactive element. We are still getting the balance right, and as the person in this arrangement with the most scientific background, it seems incumbent on me to go forth and get things as they should be.”

I rubbed my hands, which were sweaty all of a sudden, on my thighs. Logic, rationalization—what was the difference? A few extra big words?

I knew logically that this wasn’t worth the mess. I could step back, enjoy the times we had, and move on with my orderly life. Yet that damn loud voice wouldn’t shut the fuck up. I couldn’t avoid feeling the rush of warmth that hit me when I was in their arms, when they were grunting my name, when they were running their lips along my skin, when their beam of intensity made me feel seen.

Before my friends could push back on my faulty logic, and my chemical explanation that was riddled with falsehoods, Julian’s grandmother Judy powerwalked by in a bright pink jumpsuit. Shopping bags dangled from her fingers. She was elderly, but the very definition of “with it.”

“Grandma!” Julian called out to her to get her attention. She came up to the gazebo.

“Grandma Judy! Be still my beating heart,” Everett said. “I didn’t know it was pink jumpsuit day. Ugh, you should’ve told me so we could coordinate.”

Even though she was Julian’s grandmother, she was like a grandmother to all of us. Always there to dispense sage advice or brutally honest remarks. She once told me that I seemed destined to have a threesome because it was in my aura, whatever that meant.

“Julian! And the boys!” She blew us kisses. “Why are you here and not spending time with your gorgeous men?”

“We were getting fitted for our suits for Hutch’s dad’s wedding,” Amos said. “Are you coming?”

“I just RSVP’d. There better be an open bar.”

Grandma Judy and Pop had gotten to be friends by going to the same physical therapist. It seemed most old people knew each other through repeated run-ins at the doctor.

“I can’t wait to see you boys in your suits. I have to go. I’m meeting my husband for dinner. Seriously, go find your men. You have the rest of your lives to chit chat with each other. Might as well use your bodies while you’re still flexible.”

“Grandma…” Julian muttered, face turning beet red.

“What did I say?” she turned to me, the lone single member of the group. “And Chase, have you taken my advice and had any threesomes yet?”

Grandma Judy had once remarked that I had the face and personality of someone meant for threesomes, as if I were Luke Skywalker fulfilling his destiny of restoring order to the galaxy.

Usually, I demurred from her question. But this time, I had good news to share. “Actually, I’ve had two.”

18

SEBASTIAN

What did you call a roller coaster that only went down? That was how the last few days had been for me, guaranteeing that I would never visit another amusement park again.

Things started on a high after that amazing night with Chase and Anton. Then, I lost my cool after seeing them in bed. Then, Anton and I lost a client who was going with a competitor. And now this.

I turned the card around in my hands, Elmo’s happy, smiling face a dash of salt in a wound that refused to close. Some people had the worst timing.

I wished for a day I could live like Anton, letting things roll off my back, never letting things get to me and demolish my focus. Anton liked to tell me how smart I was, but sometimes, I wished I could turn my brain off.

It was impossible trying to do any work, but I tried. The hustle never quit. I took my laptop to a picnic table at Renegade Park, which was right on the river. I managed to get some admin work done while the sun attempted to elevate my mood.

Chase texted that morning and said he needed to return something to me. We hadn’t spoken since I pretty much pushed him out of our apartment. This would be interesting.

“Hello.” Chase waved at me as he approached. And then he handed me a travel-size tube of toothpaste.

“Um. Hi.” I took the toothpaste and examined it. “Thank you?”

“I used some of your toothpaste the other morning, and I wanted to replenish your supply as a thank you.”

Once a weird kid, always a weird kid. It was kinda cute how earnest Chase was about toothpaste.

“Okay…I guess this will come in handy when I travel.” An amused smile broke through my sullen mood, the first of the day. “You didn’t have to do that. Really, truly. I’ve never heard of someone replenishing toothpaste they used.”

“There’s a first for everything.” Was it just me, or did Chase seem nervous? He had the tightness of someone trying not to crack on the witness stand.

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