Page 33 of Advanced Chemistry

“I think you’re kinda weird for holing up in a library for weeks at a time studying…” I peered over at her textbook, but I didn’t know what half the words meant. “Science.”

“It’s organic chemistry. You took chemistry in high school, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” I gulped back a lump.

“Did you have Mr. Mathison? Great teacher, but super odd.”

“Yeah, I think I had him.” Oh, I had him all right.

Savannah cracked open another can of Monster Energy. I didn’t have to be a med student to know how bad that shit was for her.

“How late are you planning to stay up to study? It’s only three in the afternoon,” I said.

“I didn’t sleep last night. I was here.” She chugged the can. “Well, not here. I was in another section of the library until this room opened up. These econ bros were being so fucking loud. I think one of them was looking at porn on his phone. It had to be porn. I threatened to punch them in the man tits if they didn’t keep it down.”

None of this was in the college brochures I flipped through. And I thought being an entrepreneur was a rough life.

“Anyway, my life has been boring because I’ve been here for the past two weeks. I haven’t even had a chance to see Mathias.” Mathias was her boyfriend, a pre-law student presumably doing a similar amount of cramming. “He texted me a dick pic a few days ago, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had a chance to look at it.” She tossed me her phone. “Can you open it and respond back?”

The phone landed in my hands like a live grenade.

“Write back something complimentary about his dick. Like ‘OMG so big.’ And add some emoji. Eggplant, winky face. Make it flirty, but not so flirty that he thinks we’re going to be having sex this week.”

“Um, I’m going to let you handle that one.” I slid back the phone, preferring not to Cyrano with her boyfriend’s junk.

“Thanks, friend,” she deadpanned. “Sebastian, I think you need to enroll in college if only because it’ll help you shed your prudishness.”

“I am not a prude.”

She cocked her head to the side, a sharp rebuke of my claim. “Even the characters in a Jane Austen novel think you’re too prudish.”

“I’ve had sex.”

“People who’ve had sex can still be prudes,” she shot back. “Sex is the most prudish sexual act there is.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Super religious people have sex. They don’t eat ass.”

“I think your energy drink is messing with your head.”

“C’mon, tell me the most exciting thing that’s happened in your life lately. I need to feel alive. Look at me, Sebastian, I’m surrounded by books. The only penetration I’ve gotten this week has been a paper cut.”

Fortunately for her, I did have interesting news to share on the sex front. I wasn’t going to say anything because it was a sensitive subject for me, but when she held up her poor index finger, wrapped in a band-aid, it was too pathetic to ignore.

“If I tell you this, it has to stay between us. I am absolutely serious.” I picked up her organic chemistry textbook and made her swear on it.

“What is it?” She leaned forward in her seat, her eyes aflame with anticipation and high on the mysterious chemicals of energy drinks.

“I had a threesome.”

“Haha, funny. Really, what happened?”

I gave her a slow nod letting her know I wasn’t fucking around. Her big eyes got even bigger.

“You’re serious. Shut up. Or no, wait. Don’t shut up. Keep talking. Who with?”

I strummed my fingers on the library table. “Like I said, you can’t tell a soul.”

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