Page 90 of The Fireman and the Flirt

“You and Mom seemed distant before she died.”

We tried our best to hide our arguing and anger away from her. We didn’t want to expose Jolene to it and ruin her homelife. Turned out Mom and Dad’s dislike for each other could only be hidden so well.

“And then…I found this.” Jolene pulled a folded-up letter from her nightstand.

Oh God. Was it Cary’s letter?

She handed it over. I unfolded the weathering paper and instantly noticed Paula’s clean handwriting.

The letter was written to Jolene from Paula. Each sentence was a gut punch, making my back cave in:

Paula telling our daughter how much we loved her but that sometimes, marriages didn’t work. Paula explaining that sometimes, mommies fell in love with someone else, like daddy’s best friend. Paula praying that one day, her daughter would understand, and that this would be a good thing in the long run.

If Paula hadn’t died, I had no idea how we were going to break the news of our impending divorce to Jolene. Paula had already thought ahead.

“I found it when I was going through her stuff in the storage locker,” Jolene said. “I guess she was going to give it to me when she…when she left.”

Her bottom lip trembled, and that was all it took for the tears to fall. From both of us.

“She loved you with all her heart,” I said. “She wasn’t leaving you. She was leaving me. She was crazy about you. I promise you that.”

“Wasn’t Angus your friend?” she asked.

“He was.” Reading the letter made me see how serious Paula was with him. She was in love if she was going to share that detail with Jolene. It meant she expected Angus to be a part of her life. For the first time, I felt a twinge of sympathy for my former friend and wondered how he weathered the past year.

“Is it okay if I miss her?” Jolene asked.

“Of course. I miss her, too.”

“You do?”

“She gave me the best gift I could ever receive. You.” Paula and I would forever have a complicated relationship without closure. But we produced a fantastic daughter, and that was worth all the strife and heartache.

“Dad, I’ve been worried about you this year. I’m happy that you and Cary found each other.”

I hugged Jolene, smelling her hair and feeling eternally grateful that I got to call her my daughter.

“Are you guys going to get back together?” she asked.

“I don’t know about that. Cary’s pretty mad at me. I messed up.”

“Have you tried winning him back?” She sat cross-legged on her bed as if we were in the midst of girl talk at a sleepover.

“I don’t think he’d like that.”

“What would Cary say?” Jolene cocked an eyebrow my way. “If you don’t ask, you don’t get. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“You’re right.”

“That wasn’t a rhetorical question. What is the worst that can happen if you tell Cary you want him back?”

“He says no?”

“Right. And if he says that, then you know. But let somebody else tell you no. Don’t tell yourself no.” Jolene had a pleased smile on her face. She was absolutely right, and she knew it.

28

CARY

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