Page 18 of The Fireman and the Flirt

“They care about you. You went through a very traumatic thing. You lost your soulmate.”

Derek cut his eyes to the window for a moment, a tense reaction on his face. I was doing exactly what he didn’t want me to do. I was bringing the dark cloud over.

“You should get back out there,” I said.

“I will. But I don’t want anything serious.”

“That’s fine. Get back on the saddle and ride somebody.” Shit. Why did I always go there with him? “I mean, you need to take your time to find someone special.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I ever will.” He chased the admission with a few chips.

“I feel that,” I said. “Friends and family ask me when I’m going to settle down, but I like my life how it is.”

I wished I could tell everyone the truth: that I would rather get a Prince Albert piercing than a husband. I didn’t want to risk opening myself up to someone again and giving them that power over me. I wouldn’t be a victim of love anymore. But that wasn’t something one was allowed to say in polite conversation or else one was branded a cynic or curmudgeon or some other depressing euphemism. Here was the simple truth: maybe I was built to live life alone. I channeled those feelings of incompleteness into building up my business.

Derek and I made nerve-wracking eye contact, a tentative understanding between us. We both refused to wear the label of sad, lonely guy.

I took out my tablet, and we went through a few properties on the listing site. It turned into a fun game of Derek giving a thumbs up or thumbs down. We were laughing like two teenagers trying to study but getting no work done. By the last property, Derek held his thumb out sideways and built up the suspense before sending it down.

I balled up my sandwich wrapper. “I hope you’re ready, Derek. Because we are going to go on an epic house hunting sprint. Stay hydrated. It’s going to be busy, but a lot of fun, too!”

“Got it.”

“Come on. I’m going to need more excitement from you. How about we put our hands in and yell ‘dream house’ on three.”

He shot me a look that told me that would not be happening. Fair enough.

I offered my tray for Derek to dump his plate on. I took them to the trash. It was quickly becoming a pesky habit of pre-missing Derek as our time came to a close.

“Listen,” he said when I returned.

“Yeah?” I took a sip of my water.

“I just need to get it out there, that I know about your note.”

Rather than spit out my water in shock, it went straight up my nose, making me cough and my eyes water. Derek bolted out of his chair and offered me a leftover napkin. I held it to my face to catch the leaking water. Well, there went any chance of being the suave professional.

“Sorry. Wrong pipe,” I said. “So you know about the note?”

He nodded. “Cal gave me the note you passed along to him, about the market being unusually tight this time of year, and so I can’t lollygag on making a decision on a house.”

“Oh. That note.” I gave my sinuses a bath for nothing.

But what about the other note, I couldn’t stop wondering.The note about me wanting to gag on your lolly.

“Cal warned me not to drag my feet. I will do my best.”

“And I will do my best to find you the most ideal property.” I tossed my snotty tissue into the trash and applied a generous amount of hand sanitizer to my palms.

We put on our coats and shimmied from the tight squeeze of our table, as another party waited for us to vamoose. The cold air hit my face, a harsh wake up call.

“Thanks for lunch, and for everything, Cary. Looking forward to working together.” Derek held out his hand to shake.

I shook it back, but there was something overly clinical about the gesture that dug at me. Not to mention, Derek looked super cute with his knit winter hat plopped on his head, a softening of his hardened image.

“Derek, I need to ask you something,” I said before he could launch into a formal goodbye. “And I know it’s going to be awkward, but I just have to ask it because we can’t keep dancing around it. Do you remember the letter? Are you pretending that it doesn’t exist because if you are, we should probably get it out in the open.”

I caught my breath. That was so much word vomit my BBLT almost came up with it, and as soon as I finished, I realized what a big mistake I’d made. I should’ve let it lie. If there was ever a time in my life to play it cool, now was it.

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