Page 23 of The Fireman and the Flirt

“The listing probably used a special lens. But it’s still a great-sized yard. And less space means less you have to mow in the summer.”

“It’s…dumpier than I pictured.”

“A little TLC will fix that.” Cary clapped my shoulder and held it there for an extra second. “Let me get the door.”

He punched a code into a large lock hanging on the doorknob. It flopped open, revealing a key to unlock the door.

“And here…we…are.” Cary opened the door, and I suddenly felt like a giant who had stumbled into the Keebler Elf tree.

The living room was stuffed with furniture that spanned the entire rainbow. Two hot pink sofas were up against the orange-painted walls with an aqua blue coffee table between them. It was a full-bodied assault on the eyes, and not at all the empty room as shown in the listing photos.

“I’m guessing they used old photos for the listing,” Cary admitted.

“It’s small,” I said.

“It’s cozy. People in big houses are constantly running from one end to the other to grab something they forgot. How exhausting.”

Bless his ability to find the silver lining to anything.

“For two people, this is a good amount of space.” Cary banged his hip against the couch arm and muttered a curse. “Keep looking around. This house has a lot of hidden nooks and charms. I know it’s hard, but try to ignore the paint and the furniture.”

I placated him with a tour. At least he kept it fun with his need to spin every facet as a positive.

“Plenty of mature trees in the backyard,” he said. “You could put up a hammock in the summer, host barbecues.”

I had to hand it to him. He was managing to paint a picture, to make me forget about the flaws that I’d seen. I couldn’t yet tell if he was naturally optimistic or a killer salesman.

I stopped in the hall when something green caught my eye in the bathroom. I blinked to make sure I was seeing it correctly. Hundreds of Shreks stared at me.

“Is that Shrek wallpaper?” I pointed into the bathroom.

Cary’s face dropped when he saw. “That…is Shrek wallpaper.”

“Was this a kid’s bathroom?”

“Uh, no.” Cary bit his lip.

“Have we checked the basement for any kidnapped girls?”

Cary scanned his tablet. “The basement is finished. Fresh carpeting installed a year ago.”

I pushed open the door to the main bedroom, which had a twin-sized bed, a night stand, and lime green painted walls, which now that I thought about it, was the same color as Shrek.

“Walls can be painted,” Cary said. “That’s one of the easiest changes to make.”

On the ceiling, above the bed, was a disco ball shooting off flecks of rainbow light.

“Cary, why is there a disco ball in this person’s bedroom?” A slash of sunlight hit the ball, sending a ray directly into my eyes.

“Have you seen how much natural light these windows are pulling in?” Cary let out a nervous chuckle.

“Cary, if we’re going to work together, I need you to drop the bullshit. Would you live in this house?”

“Yes, after a substantial remodel. A very, very substantial remodel. This house has good bones. Think of the bones, Derek.”

“The bones of the murdered people buried in the backyard under the mature trees?”

“Walls can be painted. Disco ball lights can be uninstalled. But the things that matter in a house, like good structure, updated HVAC, and sturdy roofing, this house has. I wouldn’t take you to see a real stinker. This place is a gem. Look at the main bathroom. Have you seen this shower?”

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