Page 42 of The Fireman and the Flirt

“That’s how I looked at it,” I said. “When I was a little kid, I used to think that God wrote down everything we said and did in some kind of public human record, like a court stenographer. You can think something, but it’s not real until you say it aloud.” I hoped I wasn’t losing him with my weird kid thoughts.

“You can’t take it back,” he said.

“And you shouldn’t. It’s great that you know that about yourself and you’re comfortable coming out. There may be some initial surprise, but most people will be cool with it.” Sourwood had an abnormally high concentration of gay residents. Derek would have no problem fitting in. “It’ll throw a wrench in the whole sad widower thing, though.”

“Shucks,” he deadpanned.

“Have you…explored this side with any other persons?” I asked, trying to stay as relaxed as possible.

Derek blushed slightly. “Once, when I first moved to Alaska, before I met Paula. Then a few months after she passed, I got curious one night and signed up for a hookup app. I was flooded with guys sending me messages like ‘wreck me daddy’ along with pictures of their assholes.”

“That sounds about right.” Just hearing Derek say “wreck me daddy” was enough to nearly wreck me.

“I didn’t want to hook up with any of them.”

“There are good guys out there.”

“I know,” Derek said, a peculiar twist to his lips. “Do you think Cal will be mad?”

“Cal? Why would he be mad?”

“Am I stealing his thunder by also being queer?”

While that sounded ludicrous, we also knew Cal Hogan, and so it wasn’t out of the question. He knew how to make things about himself. The man was an actor, not a sociopath, though.

“You won’t. Cal has an endless supply of thunder. Your brother will be happy for you.”

“I guess.” Derek didn’t seem convinced. “Cal and I aren’t really close.”

“You guys were on different planets in high school.”

“And running off to Alaska after graduation didn’t help…we get along, but we still feel like we’re on different planets.” Derek scratched his head. “Sorry, didn’t mean to dump that on you.”

“It’s okay,” I said, honored to be his sounding board. “Dump away.”

“I’m usually not this talkative. Yet I’m coming out to you and going on about my relationship with my brother. You bring it out of me, Cary.”

“Sorry not sorry.” I let myself gaze at his face for an extra lingering second. I hovered by the edge of the cliff, but held back from falling. “Unfortunately, my cousin Harold is mega-straight. Matthew McConaughey inDazed and Confusedwas his dating idol. Harold might be getting older, but his girlfriends always seemed to stay the same age.”

“That’s okay. He isn’t even the cutest guy in the picture.”

In the freezing cold air, a surge of warmth zipped across my skin. I didn’t know what to say that was more eloquent than “wreck me daddy.” So instead, I tipped my imaginary top hat to him like a dork.

“Welcome,” I said. “We’ll send you your pride flag in the mail.”

“Is there a secret handshake?”

“Only in the back rooms of certain clubs. I’m sure you’ll manage it well.” And there I went, talking about hand jobs. The flirt in me refused to be tamed.

“I might need pointers.”

“I don’t mind going above and beyond for my clients.” Fuck. Did I just offer my body to be his for wrecking? “I mean, I’m happy to introduce you to other queer men in the area and help you find social activities. I want to make sure you'll be fully acclimated.”

I stared at his beard, not his eyes. I was too scared to check if he bought that.

“I appreciate that, Cary.”

The way my name rolled off his tongue in his deep voice made me want to melt like one of those phallic-shaped popsicles on a hot, summer day.

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