Page 61 of The Fireman and the Flirt

I couldn’t help staring out the window in between reps. There was something compulsively captivating about film shoots, the way they created a fake reality right before our eyes. The actors put away their scripts and blocked the scene with the director. By the looks of their closeness, it was going to be a big one, maybe their first kiss.

“The action’s in here,” Xavier said to me, snapping me back to my job. “Row with me.”

He led us to the rowing machines. Two of our squadmates finished using them and wiped off their seats. Xavier and I got to it, cutting through imaginary water with full force.

“Have you and Jolene been to the Rutherford Observatory? It’s at the college. They have a big telescope. You can see lots of constellations.”

“Chief, I didn’t take you for a stargazer,” I said.

“I took my wife there on a date there years ago.” A saddened look washed over his face, yet he didn’t give up any of his speed. “It was one of the few romantic things I actually did.”

“I doubt that.” Xavier seemed like a big romantic at heart.

“It’ll be sixteen years next month that she’s gone.” He stared at the wall, wistful. “Still miss her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“How about you? How are you holding up?”

“I’m getting through.” The answer sounded accurate, even if I was probably doing much better, a fact which gave me some guilt. Even though Xavier and I could bond over being widowers, our situations were much different. He and his wife were deeply in love and committed. And for me…it would be forever complicated.

“I’d rather keep moving forward, you know? It’s what she would’ve wanted. For our daughter’s sake,” I said, hoping that didn’t make me sound like an asshole. Paula had been ready to start a new chapter of her life. It was what she wanted. “Can I ask you a question, Chief?”

“Uh huh.” Xavier pulled the rowing cord so hard I thought it was going to snap off.

“How long until you felt comfortable dating again?” Xavier was currently in a long-term relationship with a lovely woman. They didn’t have a desire to get married, but they planned to be with each other until the end.

“Honestly? A lot sooner than I expected. A helluva lot sooner than my friends and family expected, too. I loved Celeste. But there comes a point where your grief can tip from being a process that you work through to a state you’re stuck in. I’ve seen it with others. They spend so much time in mourning, they can’t move on. Knowing when it’s time to move on is different for everyone.”

I didn’t expect such soulfulness from Xavier. It was like my mom used to say: let people surprise you. His steely eyes swirled with an emotional undercurrent laying plain his whole journey to finding love again.

He raised a curious eyebrow, again, without losing speed. “Is there someone new for you?”

“Maybe.” I tried to keep up with his speed, yanking the rowing cord as hard as I could. “I know it’s soon.”

“There’s no mathematical formula. People who move on sooner love their spouses as much as people who are in mourning for years.”

“Thanks, Chief.” A small weight lifted off my chest. I wished there was a proper path for mourning, but at the same time, I was grateful that we could go at our own speed.

We stopped rowing. Xavier checked my total knots. He barely beat me, and a gloating smile muscled its way onto his lips. We got water from the cooler. A bright constellation of colorful lights shone through the window.

We walked over and watched as the actors filmed their scene. The one who looked like Mitch, played by Lucien, had decked out the playground in Christmas lights, and turned them on when the one who looked like Charlie, played by Skip, approached. It was a cliché, but I found myself entranced.

Lucien and Skip closed the gap between them and exchanged some dialogue that was likely corny and over-the-top. And then they kissed as fake snow fluttered over them.

It was movie magic, and watching it made me long for a certain real estate agent. Ever since he told me his heartbreaking, enraging story, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms. He could show houses while I was hugging him, and I could probably work a firehose one-handed. We’d make it work. I took a picture of the filming to text to Cary.

Thinking of you, I started to write before deleting. Was that too mushy for Cary?

You can have Hollywood right in your backyard, I texted. I mulled over if that was the best Caryism I could come up with.

Sourwood is the Hollywood of the Hudson Valley, he texted back.

The next night,I took Xavier’s advice and planned a trip to the observatory with Jolene. Unfortunately, I didn’t do my due diligence. They were closed for a private event that night, some corporate Christmas party.

Dad fail.

Fortunately, my daughter was infinitely smarter than me, and she had us pack her telescope in the trunk, just in case.

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