Page 88 of The Fireman and the Flirt

“She’s had a lot of upheaval over the past year. I don’t want to add a bisexual dad and his new boyfriend.”

“She’s not porcelain. Hell, she probably knows more about the spectrum of sexuality than you and me combined. Sure, it’ll be an adjustment, but she’ll adjust. Let people surprise you.”

Jolene had continually surprised me, showing she was much stronger than I sometimes allowed myself to believe. I was forever conscious of wanting to protect her, but I never wanted to shelter her. Finding that balance was the constant struggle of parenting.

“Maybe give Cary a call?” Cal shrugged, his face bunching up with hope.

I tossed a pair of forks into the silverware holder a little harder than I should have. “It didn’t end well.”

“Is it over? Or is there still hope?”

My heart refused to give up on the idea of us completely, even though all the evidence pointed that way.

“I know it may not be as strong as what you had with Paula, but give it time.” He handed me a plate to load. I held it in my hands, staring at it, finding the courage to say the truth.

“Cal, me and Paula…we weren’t the happy couple you think. I mean, we were at first, but then she changed.” I held back from telling him about the cheating. I wanted to leave her with some dignity since she couldn’t defend herself. I didn’t want him to think poorly about her despite how everything went down. “We grew apart. Things were very rocky in the months before her death.”

Cal’s mouth dropped open slightly, genuine shock rather than a reaction he was milking. I unintentionally rocked his world.

“That sucks. I’m sorry. I always thought you two…”

“Me, too.” I shrugged. Like with Cary, I didn’t have any grand insight into what went wrong. Perhaps I let myself ignore the space that had grown between us. I was too scared to face it head on. “Maybe I’m meant to be a single guy.”

“Or maybe you have your head up your caboose.”

“Do you want me to shove you into this dishwasher, Calvin?” We might’ve been grown-ass adults, but he was still my little brother.

“Is that what you want? Not the shoving me into a dishwasher. Being the single guy. No Cary.”

“Things will be quieter.” I smirked to myself. Cary loved to talk. He could talk forever about nothing. Yet all that nothing added up to something.

“Things will be quiet once you’re dead. Life is about noise!”

As if on cue, a loud crash followed by the high pitch yelling of the aforementioned two boys came from upstairs.

“Boys!” Russ yelled, his booming dad voice taking over the house. “What did you do!”

“Quentin did it!” yelled Josh.

“Only because Josh dared me!” Quentin yelled back at a pitch that would make dogs howl. They devolved into a cacophony of yelling, punctuated by Russ yelling over them to get them to stop.

“Trust me, Derek.” Cal slammed the dishwasher shut. “Learn to enjoy the noise.”

After watchingA Christmas Storyfor the third time today, this time through the haze of a food coma, I wandered upstairs for another night of sleeping alone. Light peeked out from under Jolene’s bedroom door. Unsure if she were asleep or not, I turned the knob slowly to check.

“Oh. You’re still up,” I said. She sat on her bed watching a Taylor Swift interview on her tablet.

“I’m still digesting.” Russ wasn’t one to use low fat ingredients when he cooked. Jolene patted her stomach the same way I did. All these little things she learned from me.

“You’re young. At least you don’t have to worry about heartburn.”

Jolene peered up at me with her sunflower eyes, which seemed too big for her head. “Did you have a good Christmas?”

“I did.” I didn’t sound very convincing. “It was great being with you, and your cousins, and your uncles. And Uncle Russ’s food is top-notch, although…”

“It can’t compare to the canned stuff.”

“That’s my girl.” I kissed the top of her head. I didn’t know if she actually preferred the canned food, but I appreciated being humored.

---