Page 71 of Gross Misconduct

I secure it to my fridge via a hockey puck magnet pulled from the box of old things.

“Whatever happens, I can’t wait to watch you kick the shit out of Griffin Harper. Hell, I’ve been waiting over twenty-five years for this.” A vengeance-fueled smile twists across his lips.

A pit grows in my stomach, thinking about everything I’ve been doing with Griffin unbeknownst to Dad or anyone else.

“Yeah, it’ll be a good game,” I say.

“You don’t sound as confident as you should. Are you actually worried?”

“Dad, what happened with you and Griffin was ages ago. Maybe let it go.”

And there’s the Dad I know, the one whose engine runs on grievance and anger. His forehead crests into a hard crinkle.

“I wish I could, Jack,” he says, a rare moment of self-awareness. “Your hockey career might not have gone the way you wanted, but you still got to have it. You never had a dream ripped away from you at the last minute by some cocky, bullheaded asshole. He wanted to take me out. He wanted to be the star for the scouts in the audience. He wanted all the attention. If he had it his way, he would’ve knocked me unconscious.” His jaw tightens, the moment forever fresh in his mind. “As you get older, you truly understand that life has no do-overs. You only get one lap around the track. He took that from me. I can never get that life back. I can never get that time back.”

I want to tell him that I understand, but I bite my tongue. Some cans of worms aren’t worth opening. I don’t want to ruin this moment we’re sharing, when for once, it doesn’t feel like we’re enemies.

The game of hockey is unpredictable. I go into every game knowing there’s a chance that we won’t win, no matter how crappy the other team is. Even the Overbites could give us a run for our money this Sunday. Yet Dad’s hopeful, hangdog face gets the better of me.

When Mom left, he was all I had. It created a hardened bond between us that can’t be broken, no matter how toxic. His pride when I’d win a game filled me with a kind of warmth I wasn’t getting anywhere else. The need for Dad’s approval is a drug I can’t stop huffing no matter how bad it is for me.

“Don’t worry, Dad. I promise you we’re going to win.”

24

GRIFFIN

Ihave my girls for the weekend, and it allows me to forget about hockey and Jack for a bit. Friday is warmer than usual, so we go for a short hike after school and order in pizza. Saturday, we wake up to rain. I used to love lounging on my couch on a rainy day. Unfortunately, little kids don’t lounge. They are like Energizer Bunnies from the second they wake up.

I toast frozen pancakes for breakfast, and they watch a little TV as the rain continues to come down. The girls play in the living room, jumping on couch cushions as if the floor is lava. My hope is this lasts all morning, at least.

I don’t have them as often as Carmen does. My encyclopedia of indoor activities is slim. I text Tanner for ideas. I figure he is up to date on all kids activities. He writes back almost immediately about a new paint-your-own-pottery place that opened up downtown. He tells me to book a timeslot online.

I manage to grab the last opening for this afternoon.

“Girls, do you want to make your own pottery?” I realize there’s a chance they could say no, and then I’d be screwed.

Luckily, they jump up and down with excitement.

“Can George come?” June asks.

“George the reindeer?” I don’t know why I’m asking for confirmation, but she nods her head yes.

“I promise he won’t chain smoke at the pottery place,” she tells me.

“He’s really trying to quit!” Annabelle says.

“Hmmm…I don’t know if George can fit in the car. And is he able to paint with hooves?”

I also don’t know why I’m bringing logic to this conversation, yet the girls aren’t fazed by my questions.

“One second.” June holds up her tiny finger. She and Annabelle run into the dining room and fake whisper to the wall where I assume George is resting. They scurry back a few seconds later.

“George is just going to hang out in the house today. He’s had a busy week and needs to decompress,” June says. I like to play a little game with myself to figure out where she learned new words that are peppered into her vocabulary.

“Fair enough. We can play here a little bit more, and then we’ll go out to lunch, then to the pottery place.”

The girls give me a thumbs up to this plan.

---