Page 27 of Gross Misconduct

She kisses me hello on the cheek. From the outside, we look like the perfect family. Too bad Carmen and I are both gay. Now that our secrets are both out, our relationship post-divorce is much better than when we were married.

“Time for dinner,” she says.

“But I want to stay in the ice castle,” June says, her voice immediately going to a whine. “Can we eat in here? We have three dining rooms!”

“Three? Impressive,” Carmen says. “But will the hot cheese melt the ice castle, though?”

The girls trade a look of panic. I suppose some logic is welcome here.

A few minutes later, we’re sitting at the kitchen table digging into delicious, mouthwatering quesadillas. Carmen was the cook in our marriage, spoiling me with yummy Mexican cuisine. She says cooking is a way of reconnecting with her mother, who passed when she was a teenager. My meals usually come out dry and oversalted. The girls love staying with me because they know they’re getting McDonald’s for at least one meal.

“So guess what? Dad joined a hockey team,” I say.

The girls are unfazed, but Carmen looks up from her meal. “You did?”

“Yeah. Some of the guys from high school put together a team for an amateur adult league.”

“That’s great. I forgot you used to play.” Carmen and I met in our thirties. Her brother used to work at the airport with me. Deep down, we were both scared of coming out and unknowingly used each other as beards. Eventually, Carmen got tired of playing heterosexual and came out to me when June was three months old. It was an especially exhausting month; both girls weren’t sleeping well, and the tiredness acted like a truth serum. She said I was gay, too, but that I wasn’t admitting it to myself. The bold statement plus sleep deprivation led me to look in the mirror and have that honest conversation with myself. I was gay.

“Huh,” Carmen says, contemplating my new activity. The only thing I told her about my time playing was that I lost my eye. Hockey Griffin is a totally different Griffin from the one she knows.

“Maybe you can come to a game,” I say to the girls.

“Is hockey scary?” Annabelle asks.

“What if you get hurt again?” Fear casts a shadow over June’s face. “What if you lose your other eye?”

“I didn’t lose my eye. It’s still here. It just likes to sleep a lot, like a cat.”

The girls nod, but they don’t seem as convinced. The energy plummets at the table, making my heart tighten.

“This is a non-checking league, which means all the players are nice to each other.” I take an exaggerated bite of my quesadilla. It gets laughs from them.

“Nicer. But there’re still fights, probably some cursing, too,” Carmen says.

“I think the girls have heard most of those words.”

“Doesn’t mean they need to hear it from their dad.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior. You can bring the swear jar with you.”

There are kids that go to hockey games all the time. I went when I was younger than June. The girls could see me in my hockey jersey, slicing through the ice and scoring a goal. Seeing them in the stands, getting to experience that with them, makes my heart fizz with excitement.

“We’ll see,” Carmen says. She isn’t a fan of sports. Never wanted to watch a game with me. I think that drove the wedge in our marriage more than our predilection for the same sex. “More importantly, we have some birthdays coming up.”

She was always a master at changing the subject. That was how our marriage survived for as long as it did.

Annabelle and June are two years apart, almost exactly to the day. Carmen went into labor at Annabelle’s second birthday party. June may be younger, but she’s the leader of their pack.

“Two special girls will be turning nine and seven in style,” Carmen says. “At the Hadley Tea House.”

“We’re having it at the Hadley Tea House?” Annabelle asks in high-pitched delirium. June’s jaw openly falls to the table.

The girls scream with glee. I wince to block out the noise. My heart goes out to all dogs on the block.

“What’s the Hadley Tea House?” I ask.

“It’s this old-fashioned high tea room. A few girls in their classes have had parties there. It’s really cute.”

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