Page 65 of Beneath His Robes

But even in the quiet of my cell, I couldn’t get away from the thoughts that were circling in my head—thoughts of Elias, of that kiss, of the club, and of the man I could never have. Thoughts that Vix somehow managed to bring to the surface, no matter how much I tried to bury them.

I just wanted to sleep. But even as I closed my eyes, I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

ChapterTwenty-One

Elias

I walked through the sterile halls of the prison, my steps echoing in the emptiness, each footfall heavier than the last. I hated this place. The cold walls, the bars, the silence that wrapped around everything like a shroud. But even more than that, I hated the reason I was here.

I wasn’t here for a confession or a prayer, though I had offered them to silence the moment I entered the building.

I was here to see Ronan.

The man I couldn’t forget, even when I tried.

The guard at the desk let me through without a word, as he always did, but today, there was something in his eyes. Maybe it was just me projecting, but it felt like he knew something I didn’t want anyone to know.

I approached the visitation room, my heart already pounding in my chest. I saw him sitting through the small window in the door, his back slightly hunched, his gaze fixed on the table before him. The moment I stepped inside, he looked up, his eyes clouded with something I couldn’t quite place.

I sat across from him, and for a moment, neither of us spoke. The silence between us was heavy—more than just the distance of the walls. It was the space between the worlds we inhabited, the worlds that had once been closer but now felt oceans apart.

“You came back,” Ronan said, his voice rough, like he had to force the words out.

“I had to,” I replied, trying to smile, but the smile never quite made it to my eyes. “I…I wanted to see you. I told you I wouldn’t leave you. I meant it.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his hands clenched on the table. I could see the tension in him, in the way he carried himself now as if he was trying to hold something back. Something that, even from this distance, I could feel.

“Ronan,” I said softly, leaning in just a little. “I miss you.”

He looked away, his jaw tightening. There was a storm in his eyes, something I couldn’t quite reach.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered. “It’s not safe. For you, for me. People are starting to talk.”

I froze.

The words hit harder than I expected, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“People know,” he continued, his voice colder now. “The guards, the other inmates…they’re starting to figure it out. About us. About what we’ve shared.” He paused, his eyes finally meeting mine, but there was nothing gentle in his gaze now. Just…fear.

“If they find out what we mean to each other, it’s gonna be bad. You don’t understand. You don’t know what they’ll do. These people are all like Jack. I don’t trust them, Elias.”

My heart stuttered in my chest, and my pulse quickened, but I refused to let it show.

“Ronan, I don’t care what they think. You’re the one who matters to me. That’s all that matters.”

But he shook his head, his eyes hard now. “It’s not that simple. You don’t know what it’s like in here. What they do to people who—” He broke off, swallowing hard. “You can’t be here, Elias. You have to stay away. For your own safety.”

I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t stay away from him, that I couldn’t just pretend he wasn’t the most important part of my life, no matter the consequences. But the way he looked at me, the way his eyes were filled with such desperation, made my throat tighten. He was hurting. I could see it in every line of his face, in the way he held himself, trying to push me away even though it was breaking him inside.

I leaned back, struggling to find the words. I wanted to tell him that I’d stay, that I wasn’t going anywhere. But the truth was, I knew he was right. The world we lived in—his world, this prison—was dangerous. There was no place for us here, not like this. We were already walking on a razor’s edge.

“You’re asking me to let you go,” I said softly, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.

So many times, I ran. So many times, I had ignored my feelings. But now, when I was ready to stand by him and tell him he wasn’t alone…he didn’t want me.

He didn’t answer at first. He just stared at me like he was trying to force me to understand. Finally, he spoke, his voice quieter now, but still filled with pain. “I’m telling you to stay away because I love you, Elias. Because I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”

It felt like my heart stopped, just for a moment. He said it so quietly, so simply, but the weight of it crashed over me. I could feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I couldn’t. Not here.

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