Page 80 of Beneath His Robes

I didn’t understand him. I couldn’t make sense of it. Everything in me was screaming that I was the one who was responsible for her death. I’d always been the one who fucked things up, the one who caused pain by avoiding everything that fucking mattered. I’d always been the one to block her from Jack’s wrath, but this time I couldn’t.

When it fucking mattered, I wasn’t there.

I opened my mouth, but it was like there was a wall in my throat. I didn’t know how to say the words. I didn’t know how to tell him that I’d been waiting for this, for the truth, but I couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t accept that the ‘pain in my ass’ was actually gone.

I felt my hands shaking and my fingers turn cold even as Elias held onto them, as though he was grounding me, keeping me tethered to something.

“Where is he?” I said, my voice thin, fragile, like it could break into a thousand pieces. “Where is that fucking asshole?”

Elias’s face twisted like he was in agony, too, but his eyes held mine, steady and sure, even when the world around us felt like it was anything but those things.

“Jack is gone,” he said, and just the sound of the name makes something inside me burn, like a fire in my veins. “He’s trying to flee the state. He?—”

He stopped himself, breathing in like the words were too much. But it didn’t matter how many times he said Jack’s name. It didn’t matter how much he tried to convince me. I already knew. I knew what needed to be done. I knew I had to end this.

I’d known for a while, even if I didn’t want to admit it. But doing what needed to be done would make me lose Elias for good.

My chest tightened again, a different kind of weight settling over me—resolvemixed with guilt, which twisted inside and made breathing hard.

Jack was out there.

Jack needed to be found and put fucking down for good. He couldn’t continue living on this earth, threatening the man I loved. He didn’t deserve his breath when he took them from Miranda. I would fucking find him.

The silence stretched between us, thick and suffocating. My fingers twitched, and I could feel tears threatening to spill, but I wouldn’t let them. I couldn’t, not after everything.

I didn’t even know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to tell him how sorry I was for everything—for all the ways I’d failed him, for all the ways I’d failed myself and my mother.

And then, as if he knew what I was thinking, Elias shifted closer, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m so sorry, Ronan,” he said, and I felt the weight of his words settle on my skin like the air after a storm. “I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve protected you.”

I shook my head, trying to pull my thoughts together.

“No,” I manage to say, my voice a little hoarse. “You were…you were there. You’re here now. You didn’t leave me.”

“No. When we were kids, I should have known. I should have talked to you, drove to your damn house, and realized why you lived so secretly. I should have known. I failed you.”

“You didn’t fail me, Elias,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “None of this is your fault. I am not letting you fucking blame yourself for a ghost of the past. There are a million things we could have done differently. But ultimately…if it ends with you like this by my side…I don’t regret the life I have survived. I just wish my mother had that chance.”

His eyes softened, and I felt the weight in his chest, the guilt, but also something else. Something that made him lean forward, his forehead resting against mine as if he was just waiting for me to pull away. But I didn’t. I needed him here more than I ever had.

“I’m here,” he murmured again, like a promise. “I’ll always be here, Ronan.”

I moved my head, letting his lips fall against mine again, this time feeling every part of his soul. The fragility in the way he kissed me back. It made me feel as though he would shatter.

His breathing evened out, the shuddering, the tightness in his chest loosening as the seconds passed with his lips on mine. I put every ounce of strength I had to give into that kiss. Desperate to give him what I could—what he deserved. It was all I could do.

But it was something.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I let myself believe that we could rebuild our world. It could have happened if it hadn’t been for Jack and the weight of what needed to happen. Our love was broken. Fragile as the kiss we shared, but it wasn’t irreparable. We could have taken our time laying down the new foundation brick by brick.

We could have done it.

Together.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Ronan

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