Page 100 of Beneath His Robes

I was lost in him—lost in the feeling of Ronan’s lips on mine, the warmth of his body pressing against me, the urgency in the way he kissed me as if he needed this as much as I did.

The room outside seemed to disappear, and Travis with it, like there was nothing left but this moment, this connection between us that felt so right even though I knew it shouldn’t.

I was a priest.

I had spent years studying scripture, living a life of discipline and self-control. I had sworn vows to God, to my faith, to a path that was supposed to guide me away from temptation, away from this.

But Ronan wasn’t just any temptation. He was the one constant I couldn’t escape in my life—I didn’t want to escape. He was part of me, part of my heart, my soul. He was what made me the man I am. Not my vows. Him.

His hands slid beneath my shirt, pulling me closer and showing me I belonged to him in a way that felt both thrilling and terrifying.

His fingers brushed across the bare skin of my back, sending a shiver through me. I responded by wrapping my arms around him, holding him tighter, and letting the warmth of his body seep into mine.

It felt so natural, so right.

And yet, I knew it wasn’t. Not for me, not for who I was.

I pulled away just slightly, my lips lingering on his for a second, my breath coming in short, uneven bursts.

“Ronan…” My voice cracked, my throat dry, the sounds of those damn snores growing in intensity with our heavy breaths. “This is a mistake.”

The words felt foreign on my tongue. The last thing I wanted was to pull away from him, but my mind was screaming at me to stop. I didn’t know if it was guilt or fear of what we were about to do, but I couldn’t ignore the voice inside me any longer. Not so open. Not when I felt so exposed.

Ronan’s hands paused, his thumb gently brushing my cheek as he looked into my eyes. There was no judgment in his gaze, only understanding.

“Elias, it’s not a mistake,” he said softly, his voice rough with emotion. “It’s not a sin to be free. To love someone. To love me.”

I shook my head, my grip tightening on him as I fought to make sense of everything. My heart was pulling me one way while my mind was pushing me the other. I could feel the pull between us like gravity, but my duty—my vows—had always been my anchor. Without that, who was I? It took one second for Travis to wake up and ruin everything I knew.

“You don’t understand,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I can’t just… I can’t just forget everything I’ve built. I know I’m a hypocrite. I don’t regret everything we have done. But this? Right now? I can’t come back from this, and that scares me. I don’t know who I am without…”

Ronan’s hands slid to my shoulders, gently coaxing me to meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to forget who you are, Elias. I don’t want to take your right as a priest away from you. I just want you to see that you deserve something more than guilt. More than shame.

You deserve to feel good. To feelalive. What is living that life if you can only pretend? You pushed me away for so long, pretending you didn’t have feelings for me, and now you’re going to pretend again just to wear those robes?”

His words struck a chord deep inside me. For so long, I had told myself that I had to suppress my desires, that I couldn’t allow myself to experience something like this, not when it could lead me down a path I couldn’t come back from, a path to him.

But as I stood there with Ronan, feeling the heat of his touch, the sincerity in his voice, I started to wonder if I was lying to myself. How could I lie to everyone else? Was I even truly a man of god anymore?

“I don’t want to lose you,” I said quietly, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt a vulnerability I wasn’t used to.

“You won’t lose me,” Ronan replied, his voice soft but sure. “I’m not going anywhere. But you have to stop running. Just let yourself fucking feel for once. What do you want?”

I felt his lips graze mine again, gentle but insistent as if reminding me that he was here. That this was real, and then I realized something. Maybe I was the one running. Maybe I had been too afraid of the emotions I couldn’t control, too afraid to let myself feel something outside the rigid boundaries I’d set for myself.

The kiss deepened, and all the doubts that had been clouding my mind seemed to fade away. In Ronan’s arms, there was no judgment, no expectations—just raw, unguarded emotion. Just a man who had been through hell and still wanted to be with me despite everything.

I kissed him back with more urgency this time, hands moving to his chest, feeling his heart’s solid, reassuring beat beneath my palms. The world outside the apartment no longer mattered. The noise of Vegas, Travis, and my life felt distant as if it were happening to someone else.

I allowed myself to forget who I was supposed to be. I allowed myself to be here with him. Shut off that part of me that clung to the collar and surrendered to him.

“Elias…” Ronan murmured, his hands moving to my waist, pulling me closer.

“Ronan,” I whispered, my breath shallow, “I need you. I want you. I will figure out what this means for me later…but right now. Just get me out of my head.”

And with that, everything shifted. The last shred of my hesitation crumbled away. I wasn’t the priest at that moment. I was a fucking man. A man who wanted him needed him in all the ways I had yet to have him.

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