Page 103 of Beneath His Robes

He simply stared at me with those steady, patient eyes, his unwavering hand still wrapped around mine.

I exhaled slowly, the tightness in my chest loosening just a little, even as the words continued to weigh on me.

“I hated myself for it,” I said, my voice quieter now, raw with the regret I could never fully escape. “I hated the things I did to survive. I hated what I became. I was just trying to make it, but there’s always the part of me that felt so dirty that I’d never be good enough for anyone now, especially you. And I was terrified that you’d see me the way everyone else does…as a joke. As a failure.”

Elias’s thumb brushed over my hand again, slow and steady, his touch reassuring. There was no judgment in his eyes—no flicker of disgust, no pity. Just an understanding that made the guilt in my chest feel like a distant memory, like it wasn’t my burden to carry alone anymore.

“I get it, Ronan,” he said quietly, his voice calm and steady, his words wrapped around me like a blanket. “I really do. I understand what it’s like to feel like you’re doing something for the right reasons, even if it’s tearing you apart on the inside. We all have our own struggles, our own demons. And it’s not about what you’ve done. It’s about what you do after. Who you choose to be now.”

His hand tightened around mine just a little, his eyes locking onto mine.

“And I see you, Ronan. I see who you are now, not who you were. Your past does not define you. You’re not defined by your mistakes or what you did to survive. You are not dirty.”

I swallowed, my throat tightening at the sincerity in his voice. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, though I knew it wasn’t something that would disappear overnight. But having Elias here, understanding me, accepting me…it was more than I could’ve ever hoped for.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Elias whispered, his words like a vow, a promise. “You don’t have to be afraid of me judging you. You don’t have to carry that shame alone.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, the fear and the guilt finally starting to dissipate. For the first time in so long, I felt like I could breathe without the weight of the past crushing me.

“Thank you,” I murmured, the words coming out barely above a whisper. “You have no idea what that means to me.”

Elias smiled softly, his eyes filled with something tender and gentle that made my heart feel full. “You don’t have to thank me,” he said. “I’m just here for you, my Little Sinner. No matter what, I love you.”

I knew that no matter what mistakes we’d made, Elias wasn’t here to judge me anymore than I was meant to judge him. We were here to help each other heal from all the mental and physical pain of the past. And once we were able to breathe again…we could focus on our future.

Together.

Holding Elias in my arms, feeling his warmth, and understanding it was the first time since the bars of that fucking prison that I felt safe, and my body fell into a deep sleep.

ChapterThirty-Six

Elias

In the master bathroom, I let the steam from the shower cling to my skin, the warm water still trickling down my back as I stepped out and reached for a towel. My body felt heavy, relaxed, and completely spent from Ronan’s wicked mouth, but my mind was anything but at ease.

It had been a night full of contradictions, a whirlwind of emotions I wasn’t prepared to face. I realized that I wanted to be that man who held the love of my life’s hand at a diner. I wanted to shed these robes and accept him as the one I committed my soul to.

Maybe I would ask for his hand in marriage.

I always belonged to Ronan. My heart was still racing from the closeness I’d shared with Ronan, the taboo, of it all with Travis so close to us. He hadn’t woken up, but that didn’t stop my thoughts from spinning at the possibilities.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and wiped the fog off the mirror, my reflection staring back at me. I didn’t recognize the man in the glass. He was a mix of everything I had tried to suppress and everything I had tried to bury. But there he was, vulnerable, lost, and tangled up in desires that shouldn’t have a place in his life.

I leaned my hands on the counter, eyes closed momentarily as if hoping to ground myself. To move my feet forward and accept my decision to let go of my collar. I was on a leash for god the minute that woman died in the crash. I couldn’t keep being a bitch my entire life.

Ding.

The sharp sound of my phone vibrating against the bathroom counter broke the silence. My breath caught. I wasn’t expecting any messages.

Is Ronan texting me from the bedroom? He was asleep last I checked.

I dried my hands and grabbed the phone, a sinking feeling settling in my stomach when I saw the unfamiliar number scrawled at the top.

I didn’t want to open it. But my fingers were already moving before I could stop them.

It could be the Detective on Jack’s case.

It wasn’t.

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