Page 114 of Beneath His Robes

I wasn’t going to do that. Not now.

I needed to remember Elias for the good things—his kindness, his love, the warmth of his touch. I didn’t want to lose my memories by sobbing in a fucking bowl or drinking away the pain.

I couldn’t.

Not when it was the only thing I wanted to do, the only thing left that made sense in a world that had completely fallen apart. I knew he wouldn’t want me to do that.

“You win.” I said sadly, closing the refrigerator and stepping back from the temptation inside.

I walked back into the living room, then out to the small balcony shared between many of the apartments here, hoping the fresh air would clear the fog in my head.

It didn’t help. It just made me realize how far from heaven I truly was.

The streets below were alive with the usual bustle of Las Vegas, a world full of people who had no idea that someone like Elias was gone. There was nothing here to remind them of him, nothing to hold on to but my memory of him, and that felt so damn lonely. I couldn’t go back to that fucking trailer, but I knew I couldn’t stay here either.

Nothing felt right.

I am lost.

I leaned against the railing, my head in my hands, feeling the emptiness settle deep into my bones. I didn’t know what to do next. Didn’t know how to move forward without him.

A few minutes passed, but it felt like an eternity before I could bring myself to look up at the horizon.

The sun was just beginning to dip behind the mountains, painting the sky with colors of red and purple. It should’ve been a beautiful sight, but to me, it only served as a reminder of everything that was lost.

The bright future I thought we’d have together was gone. Like the story of lovers of the sun and moon. Madly in love but fated to be apart.

I let out a deep breath, my body trembling as I stood up straight. Then, I heard the faint sound of a car pulling up outside. The noise barely registered in my mind, but after a second, it became clear. Someone was here.

I turned back toward the door, wiping my eyes quickly as I tried to gather myself. Whoever it was, they didn’t deserve to see me like this. But I froze as the door creaked open, and I heard the familiar voice call my name.

“Ronan?”

It was Travis. My hand gripped the railing harder, and I took a shaky breath.

“Travis,” I murmured, turning slowly toward the door, my heart sinking deeper.

I had ignored him when he brought me here earlier.

I couldn’t speak.

My words were a broken whisper even now. He had left some point in the day, but just like ‘Hello,’ there was no ‘goodbye.’ I felt bad for my negligence toward my friend.

He walked in, his face soft with concern.

“Hey, man…I—I know it’s been a rough day, but you just got outta’ the hospital for all those burns. I thought I’d check on you. You okay?”

Okay? According to the hospital, I would survive. But I was anything but okay.

I nodded, offering him a weak smile, though I could feel the tears still lingering in my eyes.

“I’m fine. Just…adjusting, I guess.”

He didn’t buy it. Travis always saw through me, and this time was no different. He stepped closer, his eyes soft, understanding. All the usual jibes and humor were gone, replaced with a kindness he reserved for those he saw as fragile, women and children. Weak people. And now me.

“You’re not fine, Ronan. You’ve been through hell, and I’m not goin’ to pretend I understand what that feels like. But I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to go through this alone.”

The lump in my throat grew, and I felt like I might choke on it. I swallowed hard, those same words echoing in my broken heart from Elias’s beautiful voice.

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