Page 39 of Beneath His Robes

But it’s not enough.

Not when everything between us is in pieces again and again. Not when our love is as suffocating as the collar I wear.

“How’s your Ma doing, Ronan?” my sister Maria said.

The question was light, but it felt like a trap. She was only trying to make conversation, but every word felt heavy right now like it was pulling us further apart.

Her question had my mind racing to the hospital. The stolen moment with his hand in mine as he put together the reason I was truly there. I looked down at my bandaged hand and sighed.

Swallowing hard, I spoke up, allowing Ronan an ‘out.’

“She’s…fine,” I said, answering for him, but it sounded hollow, even to me. “Still managing.”

The words hung in the air between us, and I knew they sounded like I was not even present. Like I’m somewhere else entirely when the truth is that I couldn’t escape this.

I couldn’t escape the way my mind was still in that forest with Ronan’s lips on my own, still reeling and aching from his rough touch. Despite everything I’d told myself.

I do belong to Ronan Saint Clare.

Ronan’s eyes flicked back to me, and I saw it. The same unspoken question, the same desire, the same ache that’s been building ever since we were alone in the woods.

I wanted to look away, to pretend I didn’t feel it, but I couldn’t. My body betrayed me again, my dick pressing painfully into the cage beneath my pants. My heart beat faster, harder, the old rhythm of us calling out despite all the pain we caused one another.

The room felt too small, too close. The walls closed in around me, and I couldn’t breathe.

“So…” Maria said brightly, trying to keep the conversation going. “Did you guys play hide-and-seek in the forest like when you guys were kids, Ronan? You guys were gone for hours.”

The question was innocent enough, but my chest tightened even more. The memories flashed in my mind—running through the woods with Ronan, laughing, living for those moments when we were free of the world’s expectations.

It was a past I couldn’t revisit.

It was a past that was lost, no matter how much I wished it were still real.

“I know you two loved playing in the hallways when we were teens. Come to think of it, I don’t think we ever finished our game last you were here, Ronan.”

Ronan chuckled, but it sounded forced, and I was less than impressed by her pointed tone. My sister hadn’t grown up at all. She was still pining after men who didn’t want her. The real question was…

Why would Ronan have led me to believe he had been in a relationship with her if they hadn’t been?

“You and Ronan played a lot of games, Maria. I am certain you had time to finish anything interrupted prior.” I couldn’t help but stoop to this level, but the way she baited me like a rat made me lash out.

My parents looked confused, and Maria’s bright blue eyes looked focused, if not challenging.

Ronan wouldn’t look at anyone. His face was shoved into a cup to avoid all of our gazes.

“Actually…” Maria said, sitting straighter, ruffled like a peacock. “I was interested in continuing playing those games, but Ronan here chose a different game. Isn’t that right, Ronan? It seems he picked a whole bunch of different players instead of me.”

My mother coughed on her bread, and my pa cleared his throat.

“It was some rough weather, Maria. The boys took a little longer because of that. Stop gripin’ because you managed to get a good roast from the store. Speaking of, why don’t ya come help me get the food outta the oven.”

Maria scoffed, but she shut her trap and left with my mother. Ronan finally resurfaced from his drink, and the sound of the glass cup hitting the saucer on its return made us all jump.

The tension in the room was uncomfortable. And it wasn’t much better when they returned with the fresh venison.

“The snow was comin’ down hard, yeah,” Ronan said. “We had to wait a bit for anything to show up. But I’ve learned to appreciate the warmth of a good meal, so we stayed until this ol’ boy showed up,”

As usual, his lighthearted personality calmed everyone down, and that tension was alleviated if just a little while everyone continued taking bites of the food.

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