Page 56 of Beneath His Robes

“Mom,” I whispered, my voice shaking, those fucking tears rolled down my cheeks, and my entire soul cracked under the weight of everything. “Mom, it’s me. Ronan. I’m here.”

Her eyelids fluttered, and I held my breath, praying for a response.

But it was fleeting.

The drugs, the damage—they had taken too much of her away. She wasn’t waking up, not like this. If she had any chance of opening her eyes again, it was only time that would help her now.

I felt Elias step into the room behind me, the soft creak of the door giving him away. I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to. Not when everything felt so wrong. So broken.

He stood there in the doorway, uncertain. I could feel his eyes on me, his fucking sympathy, but it was like a weight I didn’t need right now. I didn’t need to think about him. Not when my mother was barely holding on to life.

“Don’t just stand there,” I snapped, the words sharper than I meant. I couldn’t stop myself. “If you’re going to be here, then fucking be here. If you want to pretend, then get the fuck out of here.”

Elias didn’t answer. He didn’t move. And that made me angrier because I didn’t know what I wanted him to do. I didn’t know what I needed. But I sure as hell didn’t need him hovering in the background like he was some damn secret.

My mom’s pulse beeped steadily, the sound hollow in my ears. I looked at her face again, the bruises, the signs of the violence she’d endured. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer—words I always wanted to say began flowing out my mouth like vomit.

“Why? Why did you let this happen, Miranda?” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Why couldn’t you just…fight? I changed your fucking locks. You only had to kick his ass out. You let yourself be ruined. And you may not even come back from this one, you dumb stupid bitch.”

There was no answer. There was only silence, only the sound of machines that were keeping her alive and my sobs.

And that’s when I felt Elias move beside me, closer now, his presence like a shadow hanging over me until his hand linked into mine. His grip was silent but strong.

I could feel his weight beside me, his awkwardness, the tension that hadn’t left either of us since the club, but he didn’t leave.

So why did it not matter to me anymore?

Nothing mattered except the fact that my mother, the only family I ever fucking had, was slipping away, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it.

The room felt colder as the minutes ticked by. The silence hung heavy between us, pressing down like an unspoken truth. I couldn’t seem to shake the image of my mom—the way she looked, all bruised and broken.

Her body was lying there like it didn’t even matter anymore. And somehow, that thought hit me harder than anything else. No one ever cared about Miranda. The town just pretended to give a shit while whispering behind her back the second after they offered her a smile.

I let out a shaky breath, swallowing back the lump in my throat that felt like it was going to choke me. Every time I thought I could breathe, every time I thought I could handle it, another wave of helplessness would crash into me. It was too much, too much for one person to carry.

I could feel Elias beside me, close enough that his presence was almost a comfort, but I couldn’t make myself look at him. I was scared that if I did, the dam would break, and the flood of everything I was trying to hold back would come pouring out.

But his hand was still in mine, gentle but firm, like a lifeline. He didn’t ask me to speak, didn’t force anything on me. He just…let me exist in the space between everything, in the place where I didn’t know how to breathe.

“Ronan, it’s okay to feel this. You’re not weak for being upset. Miranda is strong, and she will make it through this. Believe in God’s will.”

His words cut through the fog in my mind, and for a split second, I almost let myself believe them. But it felt like if I let myself feel everything at once, I’d shatter into a thousand pieces.

How could I let him see me like this?

How could I let anyone see that I wasn’t strong enough? I spent my entire life not letting myself break so that I could hold everyone else up.

I didn’t know how to answer him, so I didn’t. Instead, I just closed my eyes tighter and focused on the sound of my breathing.

But then, the door to the room creaked open. I didn’t have to look to smell the alcohol and stench that was ingrained in my fucking brain.

Jack.

I felt my blood boil before I even turned to face him. I wanted to say something, to tell him to get the fuck out, but I couldn’t find the words. I could feel Elias tense beside me, but he said nothing.

He knew what was coming.

I watched him from the screen of her machines.

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