Page 72 of Try Me

“You were probably horrible,” Pearl said, hoping with all her heart it was true.

“Probably,” Declan agreed.

Thinking of Linda and Declan together made Pearl’s heart hurt so badly that it felt like someone was sitting on her chest. It made her realize just how much she cared for him. How would she feel when she saw Declan in the tabloids with another woman on his arm?

The idea made it hard to breathe. Was she following the same path as her mother? Sohayla’s life had been a push and pull of emotions she couldn’t control, mostly due to her being in love with a man. Her mother’s boundless love had ruined her career, and then her life.

“I shouldn’t have told you,” Declan murmured against her ear. The scruff of his beard rubbed her neck. It was coarse but soft and already so familiar. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said. “Please don’t cry.” He pulled back and wiped her face with his thumbs. “I can’t stand it.”

Pearl choked back her tears at the heartbreak in his voice.

“You didn’t make me cry,” she said. “I was thinking of something else. Something very sad. My mother died in the water, too,” she said.

Declan winced, visibly shaken. “Oh shit,” he said. “I knew that. I’m such an ass, Pearl. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Pearl said, instantly feeling guilty. Sohayla’s death wasn’t the only reason she was crying uncontrollably.

Declan scooped her into his arms and carried her the few steps to the bed where he settled her on his lap. “Cry all you want, baby.” He stroked her face. Her hair. “God, I’m so stupid,” he said. “I’m really, really sorry, Pearl.”

His words opened up a well of emotions that Pearl thought she had buried. She could hear the pain and regret in Declan’s voice. Her mother’s death wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t hers, either. Sohayla had been selfish and lovesick.

“It’s okay,” Pearl said, reaching for Declan’s hand. “It was a long time ago. I’ve been without her for years. It gets easier.”

Declan wiped away Pearl’s tears, kissing her cheeks where they’d left tracks, and then softly, her mouth.

“I was the last person to see my mother alive,” Pearl said.

“You were there?”

It had been a beautiful day at Makena Beach. The sun had been shining. The sky had been clear. Her mother had walked into the waves and she’d never come back out.

“Everyone thinks my mother’s death was an accident,” Pearl said, “but it wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“She used to get this look in her eye,” Pearl said. “That morning, my mom had that look. She’d been getting it more and more often. My mother felt things deeply. She was intense. My grandmother said it was her Ehu blood that made her too sensitive.” Pearl wiped her eyes and shook her head. “But I studied biology and psychology at Berkeley. My mother was sick. She had a disorder. It’s called ‘manic-depressive.’ We learned all about it in school. My mother fit every description perfectly. She killed herself that day.”

Declan said nothing, but Pearl knew him well enough by now to know that he was weighing his words carefully. What she’d taken as arrogance at first was really thoughtfulness. Declan was a deep thinker, and he chose his words with precision.

“The ocean is deadly,” he said. “Are you sure it wasn’t an accident?”

“I’m sure,” she said. “I never told anyone this, but I know she killed herself. I watched her walk into the water. They said her surfboard must have washed up without her, but she didn’t take it in the water. She just walked in, and she never came out. No one ever saw her again.”

“Shit.” Declan’s hands sculpted her back. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured in her ear. “How old were you?”

“Eleven.”

“Jesus Christ.” His arms tightened around her.

“I’d always blamed my mother for killing herself, but it wasn’t her fault. When I realized she had a disease, something controlling her, I forgave her. And now I want to honor her. That’s why this means so much to me,” she said.

“I’ll get you back in time. I promise.”

“It’s more than that, Declan.” She eased away enough to look at him. “It’s why I can’t let myself get distracted by a man. Why I can’t fall in love. What if the same thing happens to me? What if I lose focus and forget?”

“You’re not your mother, Pearl,” Declan said. “You’re strong.”

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