Page 17 of Sweet Torture

Ashlyn’s eyes tear up again. “I need you to be sure about that, Owen. I can’t have you come into his life and then bail in a few months if the role doesn’t suit you.”

She’s out of her mind if she thinks she’ll ever get rid of me. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m in his life to stay. And yours too.”

The tears she’s been holding escape down her face. “You don’t hate me?”

My anger is completely overshadowed by my happiness. “I’m mad as hell you didn’t tell me about him. I may even put you over my knee and spank your ass until it’s blood red. But right now I just want to meet my son.”

“I want you to meet Jacob, but we need to talk about everything and sort out details before that can happen.”

This isn’t fair. She has all the control and I have none. “Come on, Ashlyn. You can’t dangle my boy in front of me and then not let me meet him.”

“You will but we need to iron out some stuff first. We can go to my place to talk. I’ll ask my parents to take him for ice cream after the game so we’ll have a little extra time. They’ll bring him home in a little while. I swear you’ll get to see him tonight.”

I know Ashlyn is right. Having a sound parenting strategy is the responsible thing to do. Jacob needs to see his mom and dad have a plan for how we’re going to make this work. The biggest mistake we could make right now is to introduce me into his life and have him recognize we don’t have a clue what we’re going to do.

I look at my son standing on third base. I don’t want to walk away and leave him. It feels wrong—like I’m choosing to abandon him. “OK. But I want to see him score this run before we go.”

I lean into the fence and hold the wire. I’m afraid I’ll float to cloud nine if I don’t.

I have a son. Everything about him is just like me. And he’s going to be my little buddy.

I had no idea I could be this happy.

Chapter6

Ashlyn Shepherd

Despite hearingOwen say he doesn’t hate me, I’m terrified of the things he’s going to say. He admitted he’s mad as hell, and he has every right to be. I’m not sure I could forgive me for what I’ve done if the situation were reversed.

“I’m so sorry, Owen.” The deep ache in my chest is nearly suffocating. I did this. I’m the reason my son hasn’t had a father in his life. I’m the reason Owen has missed the first years of Jacob’s life. He’ll never have that time with him. It’s gone forever.

The flood of guilt rushing through me bursts the dam holding me together and I’ve no choice but to surrender to the tears. “I hate… myself for… not coming… to find you.”

Owen slides across the sofa and pulls me into his arms. “True. You should have come to me. I had the right to know about him but I in no way believe you did it to hurt me. Your decision was driven by a mother’s desire to protect her child. I’m proud of the way you love and protect our son. You are a wonderful mother and he’s lucky to have you.”

He pulls away and grasps my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I’m not interested in placing blame for things from the past that can’t be changed. I want to talk about how we’re going to move forward in co-parenting Jacob. That’s all that matters to me in this moment.”

Co-parenting. Custody. Sharing. I’ve never had to hand over my son to anyone. He’s been with me twenty-four/seven since the day he was born. “Jacob’s never been away from me.”

“He’s away from you now.”

“But he’s with my parents.” Totally different. I always know where he is when he’s with them. He doesn’t have interactions with people I don’t know.

“And when he’s with me, he’ll be with his daddy. You can trust me to keep him safe, Ash.”

I’ve had him to myself all this time, and although that hasn’t been fair to Owen or Jacob for that matter, the thought of handing him over for days at a time kills me. But I have to be reasonable. I owe that to Owen. “Do you want joint custody?”

“I have something entirely different in mind.”

Oh God. He wants full custody? “Please, Owen. I can’t be away from him.”

“I don’t want to be away from him either. It isn’t fair to ask me to only see him a couple of days every other weekend. Four days a month, Ash. It’s not enough.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” And I hope he wouldn’t do that to me.

“Neither of us want to be away from him so I only see one solution. Marry me, Ash.”

Not what I was expecting to hear. “W-what?”

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