Page 69 of The Soul Never Forgets

“He looks so content.”

“He wasn’t when he first got here. Our boy has a set of lungs on him.”

“I know. I heard him all the way out on the front porch.”

“Do you want to hold him?”

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

Gussy adjusts to a more upright position and holds out the baby, moaning as her lower body shifts. “I’m glad he’s a good size, but I wouldn’t have complained if he’d been a little bit on the smaller side.”

I take Will from Gussy’s arms, and I’m surprised by how heavy he is. “Our son is a butterball. He took after his old man instead of his mama.”

Gussy places her hand on top of her abdomen. “Look at my stomach. I ate too much while I was pregnant.”

“You didn’t eat too much. That’s just from the baby stretching you. It’ll go back to the way it was before.”

“How do know so much about women having babies?”

“My mama had three babies after me. She spent a lot of time being pregnant and her body always went back to normal. Yours will too.”

“I hope my body goes back to the way it was before. I don’t want to look like this forever.”

“You won’t look like that for long. But if you did, I’d still think you were beautiful, my love.”

Will makes some kind of new-to-us baby noise, something between a gurgle and a coo, and we both give him our full attention at once.

“What is it, baby boy? Do you just want our attention?” Gussy says, the pitch of her voice higher than usual.

She drags her finger down the slope of his nose. “I grew him inside of me all this time, yet he looks so much like you. That’s a little unfair.”

It’s odd looking at a tiny little person and seeing yourself in them. “He reminds me of my youngest brother. Mama always said that of all her boys, Albert and I looked the most alike when we were born.”

She looks up at me, and a tear rolls down one of her cheeks. “I’m afraid, Frank.”

“Afraid of what?”

“I’m terrified of being a bad mother to him.”

“Oh, Gussy. Don’t fret, my love. You’re going to be a wonderful mother to Will. The best ever.”

“I didn’t grow up seeing what a good mother looks like. I don’t know what she does for her children.”

“The fact that you’re worried about being a bad mother tells me that you’re going to do everything in your power to be a wonderful mother for this little boy. And he is going to adore you.”

Sons always love their mothers.

“So many things are going through my head right now as I look at him. Like he’s going to be hungry soon and I don’t even know how to feed him.”

“I’m sure there will be some learning involved, but you’ll figure it out.”

“But what if it doesn’t go well? I don’t know any women who’ve nursed a baby. I don’t have any women I can turn to with questions. And I’ve never changed a diaper. Or given a baby a bath.”

I’ve done those things with my brothers. I could teach her. But I don’t think I’m the one who can reassure her. She needs a mother she can trust and turn to for advice.

“Would you feel better if I write home and ask my mother to come stay with us for a little while?”

“Would you?”

---