The thought of him coming back, of leaving me somewhere else, makes me ill, but I swallow down my discomfort and stay silent. He’s a king now. His responsibilities are bigger than me, and I won’t make them even harder by adding my fear to his burden.
Chapter 44
Shifting to the capitaltakes time and a toll. Lysandir doesn’t stand quite as straight and strong as we enter the dowager’s room, where she waits with the other women, and I know its not just emotions weighing him down. He hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in days, and he poured everything into his fight with the Unseelie King. Between that and shifting, he must be on fumes.
“Mira!” The chorus of my name as we enter should be a relief. They are safe. The battle is done for today. But the war, I’m afraid, is just beginning.
“My son.” Elaine’s whisper cuts through the commotion.
Lysandir makes a beeline to her and falls to one knee beside her chair. He pulls his helm free and bows his head. “I never made it to him. I wasn’t there when he needed me.”
It should be a blessing that he was spared seeing what happened, but the wondering, the doubts about whether he could have done something, may be just as tough to live with.
“You were where you needed to be.” Elaine cups her son’s cheek. “He would not have had you there. No matter your differences, he would have had you safe.”
“But maybe I couldhave—”
“No. His haste and anger led to this. Not you. You tried to show him a wiser path. It’s not your fault he did not listen.”
The other women silently look to me with mixed expressions of curiosity and discomfort. I shift on my feet, the spear clutched in one hand, unsure of what to do with myself. I feel like a voyeur listening in, but there’s no way I’m just going to turn and leave right now either.
After a moment, Lysandir rises and turns toward us. We all look to him, waiting.
“As you likely know, my brother is dead. The Choosing is ended.” He looks at each of them in turn before settling on me. “Mira is my choice. I will have none but her.”
Love swells within me, but strangely, all I want to do is cry. It’s so much—so many emotions in too little time.
Lysandir holds out a hand to me. The women part as I walk past them to take it.
His hand closes around mine, and he stares into my eyes. “I would make you my queen, if you’ll have me.”
It should be a big thing. Momentous. But his words are quiet, just for me. Our audience is small. It’s intimate. It’s perfect. I should probably think about my response, but deep in my soul, I already know. “I will.”
“Long live the queen.” Cora smiles at me and dips her head.
“Long live the queen,” the other women echo.
The spear feels heavy in my hands. I turn and present it to Elaine, but she shakes her head.
“It is yours now. Wield it with pride for our people.” The sad smile she offers warm the deepest parts of me while making me want to cry anew.
“I will.”
To her son, she says, “We will hold a public ceremony to anoint you both as soon as you are ready. The court should see your unity and take strength from it in this time.”
The whole court, take strength from me… It feels surreal. A dream. A fantasy. The weight of it hasn’t landed, but I know it will at some point, once the shock has faded.
Lysandir turns to the others. “You’re free to return to your homes at your earliest convenience. With all that’s happened, I cannot guarantee your safety here, much as I would wish to.”
It should be good news, relief, but the looks on most of their faces are anything but. Alex and Grace clasp hands and stare at one another. Adeline looks away—her guard isn’t here, but hopefully he’s safe. He should be if he brought them here. Cora, however, stares right at me, and I know exactly what she’s begging for in silence.
“We should let them stay if they choose. Even if it’s not safe, it should be their choice,” I say to Lysandir.
He takes my hand in his and squeezes. “If you think it best.”
“I do. And there’s what Vasilius said yesterday.” I swallow the knot that forms in my throat at the mention of him. I squeeze his hand a little tighter and look at the women. “I’m not sure if he had the chance to tell you all, but he was going to encourage you to follow your hearts. If you didn’t want him, if your heart was elsewhere, he wanted you to be able to be with that person, regardless of The Choosing.”
“You mean that?” Adeline says, wide-eyed.