Page 127 of Bossy Hero

My mouth turns arid. Not sure I want to hear another triggered memory tonight.

Almost reluctantly, I prod. “A good memory?”

“An ironic one.” His tongue sneaks out to dab at the corner of his mouth. “I distinctively recall thinking to myself that if I could create someone for him, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Someone to love him the way he needed. The way he deserved.”

Silent laughter accompanies his beaming smile. It’s breathtaking to see him this way.

I return to his side, propping myself up on my elbow. “Turns out you’d already done it, huh?”

He drags his fingers through my hair again, such tenderness in his touch. “At the time, I was jokingly envisioning building someone in a lab for him. A freaking droid or something. Figured he’d like that better. But I was wrong. Lettie is way better than anything I could have designed.”

“She sure is.”

“Maddie, she looked me dead in the eye and said that as long as her heart was beating, he’d never have to face his struggles alone. Then she strong-armed her way to the scene with me, despite knowing the dead body of the man who assaulted her would be on the cold pavement a few feet away. Whether I liked it or not, she was gonna be there for Tomer as he dealt with the aftermath.” Alan closes his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself. “How can she be so strong after everything that’s happened to her?”

“Because you’re her father.”

“I wasn’t there for her.”

“Whether you raised her or not, she’s still yours. And I have faith that if you can fix things with her, she’ll give you a chance to make up for it. Same way she forgave Tomer. Not saying the situation is remotely the same; after all, you didn’t voluntarily miss her childhood. But I think she’ll open her heart to you if you try.”

Gradually, the lines of his face seem to release some of his guilt and anguish. “I’m trying, and it might be working. In the car, I had another realization. And I admitted it to her. It changed things between us.”

“What was it?” I ask overzealously, then quickly dial it back. “I mean, if you want to tell me.”

He scoops his hand around my nape and guides me back to his chest. I go eagerly, ready to soak up more of his touch.

“She called me on my shit. Same way you did. The little badass wasn’t letting me off the hook. And in the middle of that, I confessed I’ve been holding back because of my guilt.”

“Guilt?”

“Yeah. I felt guilty she was kidnapped because of me. Lenkov took her to fire back at Redleg. By keeping her at a distance, I didn’t have to face the torment that comes with accepting the blame for her suffering. Same with Tomer.”

I have so much to say to his confession, but first, I ask, “What did you feel guilty about with him?”

“If I had done a better job at being the father he needed, then he’d have known he could come to me sooner about her. That I wouldn’t shun him. That I’d still be here for him.”

“Alan, how can you think?—”

“Maddie, I met the man who raised him. I looked into his eyes. I knew Tomer had no idea what family was. He didn’t know forgiveness. Or love. I vowed I’d be there for him and teach him those things. And I thought I did. But over the years, I got complacent. I failed him, and so I’ve been a shithead to him ever since this blew up in our faces. All in the name of protecting myself from the truth.”

My heartache for him becomes so profound that I fear I may bleed through my chest.

Alan was hiding from his pain.

Just like I often do, this amazing, strong, protective, courageous man washiding.

Unaware of the realization sinking into my bones, he continues. “She told me she doesn’t blame me for what happened to her. In fact, she made a hell of a compelling case.”

“She blames Lenkov, doesn’t she?”

“Yes.”

I grin against his chest, letting the topic pull me away from the heavy self-discovery. “She’s a smart girl. You can blame yourself all you want, but deep down, I think you know the men who hurt her are the only ones to blame. She didn’t ask for it. Neither did you.”

His chest swells with a deliberate inhale. He holds his breath for a long time before letting the air leach out in a drawn-out sigh. “Maddie, I’ll start to believe that about the abuse she suffered if you start believing it about the abuse you and your kids endured.”

Those words might as well have cracked my ribs from how forcefully they hammer into me.

---