Page 9 of Den of Iniquity

That wasn’t necessarily good news. There’s a reason we eat out as much as we do. Generally speaking, Mel’s pancakes aren’t something to write home about, but as she set about rattling pots and pans, I retreated to the bedroom to get dressed.

While doing so, I thought about what Mel had just said abouthaving a growing boy in residence. I had worked my way through college as a Fuller Brush Man, selling my wares door-to-door. In the course of my sales career, I became quite adept at using the assumed close. I was taught to never ask a lady straight out if she wanted to buy a certain product. Instead I was directed to ask which color she would prefer or if she was going to pay by cash or check.

Mel Soames had just used one of those on me. We were having pancakes for breakfast because Kyle was coming to live with us. Kyle had made up his mind about that, more because it was what he needed rather than what he wanted. And in the process of Mel making up her mind, she’d made mine up as well.

I wasn’t sure about why Mel had landed so firmly on Kyle’s side of the equation, but she had, and I’ve been around Mel long enough not to argue the point. My mother may have been tough, but believe me—so is Mel. That’s one of the things I love about her.

And so, as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving my somewhat grizzled face, I squared my shoulders and delivered another pep talk: “Welcome back to fatherhood, J.P. With any kind of luck, Kyle will be off to college in the fall.”

The pancakes were a bit thick, lumpy, and underdone in spots, but at least Mel tried. She was busy supervising Kyle’s first time on KP duty when Kelly showed up. She marched in the back door without bothering to knock and came straight into the kitchen. That’s when all hell broke loose.

“Get your stuff,” she ordered her son. “We’re leaving and we’re leaving now!”

“I’m not going,” Kyle replied mildly. “I’m staying here.”

Kelly spun around and glared at me. “Is this your idea?” she demanded.

“Actually it’s mine,” Mel said, moving into the line of fire and physically inserting herself into the conversation. “There seems to be a good deal of uproar going on in your family at the moment. Kyle came here looking for a safe haven, and we’ve told him he’s welcome to stay.”

“He needs to come home.”

“Which one?” Kyle asked.

That was a showstopper, and Kelly hesitated for a moment as if uncertain about how much of her current marital situation Kyle had shared with us. Mel quickly put her out of her misery by letting her know we were aware of what was going on.

“We already know that you’ve moved out of the house and are living in Eugene with Kayla, leaving Kyle in Ashland with Jeremy and his girlfriend.”

“Hispregnantgirlfriend,” Kyle specified.

At that point Kelly flushed furiously—the same thing she used to do when she was a little kid and got caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Whatever it was, her bright red face was always a dead giveaway that she was guilty as sin.

Kelly took a deep breath. “Look,” she said, addressing Kyle. “That was the arrangement we all agreed to when this first happened. We gave you a choice between coming to Eugene with Kayla and me or staying on in Ashland to finish out your senior year. You chose Ashland.”

“Ashland isn’t working,” Kyle declared. “Besides, now that I’m eighteen, I get to have some say about where I live. I want to live here.”

“What about finishing high school?” Kelly asked.

“There’s a perfectly good high school here,” Mel said. “We can get him enrolled on Monday.”

Once again Kelly turned her fury on Mel. “You’ve got no business turning my own son against me.”

“Nobody’s turning me against you,” Kyle interjected. “I can’t live with Dad and Caroline anymore, and I don’t want to live with you and Kayla, either.”

“Why can’t you live with them?” Kelly asked. “What changed?”

“None of your business,” Kyle snarled back at her. With that he stormed off into the guest room, slamming the door behind him.

Kelly looked back at me as if all this was my fault. “I hope you’re happy now.”

In the old days I had always been first in line when it came to accepting blame because most of the time I deserved it. That was no longer the case.

“I don’t think anybody in your family is happy right now, most especially not Kyle,” I told her. “He came here asking for help, and Mel and I are prepared to give it to him.”

“Screw you!” Kelly replied. With that, she turned and stomped out of the house. I already suspected Jeremy wouldn’t show up to favor us with similar sentiments, and if he didn’t, that would count as yet another black mark against him. At least Kelly had cared enough to come looking for her son and raise hell about it.

“That didn’t go very well,” Mel observed once Kelly took off, “but since this sounds like a done deal, we’d better go shopping.”

“Shopping?” I echoed. “Why?”

---