Page 70 of Butterfly

He watched as Teddy ran a hand over his head. If he had hair, Ollie was pretty sure he would’ve gripped it.

“You’re scaring me.”

That got a reaction. Teddy spun to face him, shaking his head adamantly.

“Well, you are.”

Teddy rejoined him on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. Ollie nudged him with the dictionary until he took it, and with another long sigh, he searched for the right word.

It didn’t take long.

Appeal.

Ollie frowned. “What?”

Teddy tapped the word again.

“No.” Ollie shook his head. “I don’t want to. I told you I’m happy where I am.”

Appeal.

Ollie snatched the dictionary from Teddy’s hand and snapped it shut. “No.”

Teddy pressed his hands together in a begging pose.

“I thought you wanted me here.”

Teddy’s expression said, ‘I do.’ But then it contorted into something complicated.

“Then why do you want to get rid of me?”

Teddy reached for the dictionary, but Ollie hugged it to his chest, preventing him from replying. He pointed out the window instead, adamant that Ollie take notice.

“You think I should be free?”

Teddy nodded.

“You loved it out there, didn’t you? You found it beautiful.”

Teddy lowered his gaze but continued nodding.

“That was not my experience offreedom. Being out there, I’ve never felt more trapped in my life. I hated being alive. The only reason I stayed alive was because Leo needed me, and now, he doesn’t. Now I’malive, and I’m here.”

Teddy pointed to the window again.

“There’s nothing for me out there. Nothing but bad memories.”

Teddy held his hand out for the dictionary, but Ollie refused to give it to him.

“You want to tell me your reasons? Why you think I should appeal?”

Teddy nodded.

“Well, I don’t care,” Ollie snapped, getting to his feet. He kept the dictionary hostage against his chest but had to put it down to climb onto his bunk. Teddy snatched it before Ollie could reclaim it. He flipped through the pages, but Ollie rolled onto his side, facing the wall, and squeezed his eyes shut.

He didn’t have to look.

He wouldn’t look.

---