Page 74 of Butterfly

“It hurt,” Ollie croaked. His eyes burned. “It feels like he doesn’t want me anymore. He wants me gone.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Ollie swallowed. He shook his head.

“I think you should let Teddy explain why he thinks you should appeal—”

“But—”

Jarvis raised a hand to interrupt his protest. “Hear him out. It doesn’t mean you’re giving in or that you must do as he wants, but you’re putting so much emphasis on Teddy being the reason not to appeal. He knows this. Which means he should get to have an opinion on that reason. Your decision affects him too.”

“He’ll say I’m better off outside.”

“Then let him explain why he thinks that. You can agree, or disagree, but hear him out. Youhearhim, don’t you, Ollie?”

Ollie frowned. “Yes.”

Jarvis smiled softly. “Then don’t stop now. Don’t give him a voice, then take it away when things get hard.”

12

WheneverTeddyhadalot to say, Ollie wrote out each word he pointed to on a pad of paper. He didn’t interrupt, he didn’t argue against the point Teddy was making or cut him off by refusing to continue writing. He wrote down everything while biting his tongue.

Jarvis had been right. It was cruel to deny Teddy a voice after Ollie had given him one.

They sat side by side on Teddy’s bed with their shoulders touching.

It took a long time, almost an hour, for Ollie to write out Teddy’s reasons for wanting Ollie to appeal. Ollie could counter every one of them, and he would when Teddy finished.

But his eyes burned, and his nose tingled at Teddy’s words. A few times, he had to pause, shaking his head while emotion threatened to crush him. Teddy nudged him to continue, and when he’d finished, he touched Ollie’s hand, then removed the pen from his grip.

Ollie exhaled a slow breath, whipping his gaze back and forth over the page.

Teddy nudged him again, raising his eyebrows, wanting Ollie to speak the words he couldn’t.

“You are like a butterfly,” Ollie began. “You are bright, you are beautiful, and you deserve to be free. Despite what you think in your darkest moments, you do not belong in here. You slayed your demon, and that makes you stronger than I am.”

Ollie folded his brow, running his finger beneath the words ‘your demon’, beneath the whole sentence. Theyourstuck in his head, like there was more than one.

Teddy nudged him to keep reading.

“You are strong enough to survive out there without me, not only survive but flourish.”

Ollie gave Teddy a questioning look, but Teddy tapped the page.

“You tell me there is nothing on the outside for you, but there is. There is a life full of smiles, and laughter, and people. There are sights, and there are smells and experiences you can not have in here. It’s a colourful life, and I want you to have it. I was never supposed to be your everything.”

Ollie’s throat tightened. “But you ar—”

Teddy glanced down at the page. “I wanted to keep you safe until it was time for you to leave me, but I can’t. I can’t keep you safe in here. It’s dangerous and things change. They could transfer me or transfer you or you could be hurt or worse. It would kill me if anything happened to you.”

“What happened in the infirmary was a one-off.”

Teddy bristled and shook his head.

“There’s horrible people on the outside too,” Ollie argued, “but you won’t be there to protect me.”

Teddy pointed at the page, getting Ollie to read again.

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