Page 25 of Butterfly

All the times before, Teddy shook his head, but Ollie knew this time it was different. He knew because of the dictionary on the floor by Teddy’s side.

Teddy held out the match, and Ollie took it, hovering it over the book as Teddy found the right word. He patted his chest, glanced at the closest word still tacked to the wall, pointed to the wordProtect, then gave Ollie a definite look.

I can’t protect you.

Teddy placed the dictionary by his side, expression scrunching with pain as he closed his eyes.

“It’s not your job to protect me.”

A shrill sound escaped Teddy; he nodded frantically.

“It isn’t. What happened to me wasn’t your fault.”

Teddy dropped his head low like a cowering dog. It disturbed Ollie more than the obsessive match striking.

“It wasn’t,” Ollie insisted. He hissed as the fire got too close to his fingers, then blew the match out. He patted the floor until he found the box, then lit another.

“I’m okay,” he promised. “And you do protect me. Every single day, I feel safe with you. I’m not scared when I go to sleep or when I wake up.”

Teddy shook his head, refusing to give Ollie eye contact.

“I think people take it for granted…waking up content, waking up without fear, waking up and not wishing you hadn’t. Maybe that’s how it’s always supposed to be, but I never had it until I came here…until I met you.”

Ollie rested his hand on Teddy’s knee, leaning in close. Teddy’s eyelashes were wet with tears; they sparkled, drawing Ollie in. Teddy pressed his mouth together in a firm line, only just visible beneath his thick black beard.

“Teddy?” Ollie whispered, wetting his bottom lip. “Stop pushing me away.”

Teddy shuffled, but he didn’t open his eyes.

“I know that’s what’s been happening, and I know you don’t really want to. You care about me. Acting like you don’t won’t suddenly make it so.”

Teddy’s throat thudded as he swallowed.

“And I care about you.” Ollie’s eyes were scratchy. “I care about you so much, Teddy, and I can’t bear you pushing me away anymore. Do…do the opposite.”

Teddy’s brow scrunched.

“Please, Teddy, do the opposite. I want you to do the opposite. I need you to.”

Ollie leaned in as the match went out, then pressed his mouth the rest of the way, finding Teddy’s lips.

What would it feel like to kiss Teddy Saul?

Ollie got his answer.

Teddy’s lips were dry but warm, and his beard tickled Ollie’s chin and top lip. HefeltTeddy’s surprised intake of air, the slight parting of Teddy’s lips beneath his own.

It was a quick peck to the mouth, brief, light, but Ollie’s insides fluttered, filling with warmth. That heat travelled up his neck, to his face. It swept over his scalp, and the sensation made him pull back.

What he was doing caught up with him.

It hadn’t been planned, and he didn’t regret it, but still, he shouldn’t have assumed Teddy would be okay with the kiss.

“Sorry. I…”

Teddy slapped his hand on the floor, trying to locate the matches. He growled in frustration.

“Oh,” Ollie blurted, lighting another one. “I have them.”

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