Page 74 of Saving the Rockstar

"Big word for a meathead like you. Been studying up to impress me?"

On and on they went, their insults growing more and more outlandish. And despite the devastation that still coursed through my veins, I found myself laughing, the sound startled and raw.

They broke off, turning to stare at me in surprise.

"Jared?" Dylan said, his brow furrowed. "You okay, man?"

I shook my head. "No," I said honestly. "But watching you two go at it like an old married couple, it helps, somehow."

Mason and Dylan exchanged a glance, something soft and uncertain passing between them. For a moment, I thought they might actually acknowledge the attraction that crackled in the air like static.

But then Mason cleared his throat, looking away. "Yeah, well. Someone's got to keep this idiot in line."

Dylan rolled his eyes, but there was a fondness in the gesture. He turned to me, his expression growing serious.

"Jared, can we talk? Just for a minute? Look, I know you're hurt. And I know you're angry. You have every right to be."

I stiffened, bracing myself for the defense of Asher I was sure was coming.

But Dylan surprised me. "What he did was shitty. He got your hopes up, made you believe you were going public. And then he pulled the rug out from under you in the most public, most humiliating way possible."

I blinked, taken aback by his bluntness.

Dylan sighed. "The thing is, Asher's not like you and me. He's been through a lot, stuff that's left scars that aren't easy to see. Did he ever tell you about what happened in college? With the theatre production?"

I shook my head.

"It was our sophomore year. Asher had been cast as the lead in this big musical, a role he'd been dreaming of playing for years. But when it came time to perform, to step out on that stage in front of all those people, he froze."

Dylan's eyes were distant, lost in the memory. "He had a panic attack, right there in the wings. Couldn't catch his breath, couldn't stop shaking. In the end, his understudy had to go on in his place."

I swallowed hard, my heart clenching at the thought of Asher in such pain, such fear.

"He was devastated," Dylan continued softly. "Felt like he'd let everyone down, like he'd failed. It took him a long time to come back from that, to find the courage to perform again. And then there's his family. When they found out he was gay, they kicked him out. Cut him off completely. He was on his own, scrambling to make ends meet while trying to keep up with school and his music."

I closed my eyes, a wave of empathy and sorrow washing over me.

"I'm not telling you this to make excuses for him," Dylan said, turning to face me. "What I'm trying to say is, Asher's got a lot of baggage. A lot of fear, trauma and insecurity that he's still working through. And sometimes, when he's faced with something big, scary and life-changing, he panics. He falls back on old habits, old defenses."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "But I can't keep putting myself out there, only to have him pull away. I have to protect myself too."

He nodded, his expression somber. "Just don't write him off completely, okay? He loves you, Jared. I know he does. He's just got some work to do, some growing and healing. And that's on him, not you."

Mason cleared his throat, his voice gruff but not unkind. "You know, Jared, I've known you a long time. And I've never seen you as alive, as happy, as you were with Asher. What you two had was real. The kind of thing most people spend their whole lives searching for and never find. In some other cases, people don’t want to be the first one to admit. And before you know it, it’s too late."

I swallowed hard, wondering if Mason was referring to the attraction between him and Dylan. "Yeah, well. Maybeit wasn't as real as I thought. Maybe we were just fooling ourselves."

Mason was quiet for a moment, considering. Then, softly, "Is that really what you believe? Or is that just the hurt talking?"

I didn't know what to believe anymore.

"He's right, you know,” Dylan said. “And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Mason."

Despite myself, I felt my lips twitch at the note of disgust in his tone.

Dylan’s expression turned serious. "Look, Jared. I know you're hurting. But I also know Asher. I know how much he loves you, how much he needs you. Especially now."

I looked away, my throat tight. "I don't know if I can be what he needs right now, Dylan. I don't know if I'm strong enough."

---