Page 24 of Just A Little Love

The architect in me loved the possibilities this house held. This could be a shining example of how to modernize and update historic buildings without losing their charm or historic value. The technology for efficiency exploded in the last few years, and the market had tremendous and relatively affordable options for updates. Rory followed me from room to room as I gushed like a schoolgirl listening to her favorite K-pop band. This stuff was my jam, and I forgot to play it cool. Rory managed a laugh at my expense when I waxed poetic about period appropriate replacement windows and insulation.

His laugh gave me a little hope I hadn’t screwed everything up like I thought I had with Rory. Maybe there was still a chance to fix this? Apart from our bargain, I genuinely liked Rory, and I wanted to keep hanging out with him. He made me eager to explore new things. I wanted to hear him talk about his classes or his students. I enjoyed being around him, and it had been ages since I made a new friend. Reed and Jakob were great, but they had their own little world to retreat to at night, and they cherished their private time. Barrett was a friend, but he was busy being obsessed with his own little who refused to notice all the pining.

After I finished my walkthrough, which included gushing over the original paneled interior doors because they deserved to be gushed over, I knew I couldn’t put off our talk any longer. We needed to clear the air about what happened at the toy store earlier. Rory had truly sunk into little space, and I wasn’t sure what it meant for our agreement.

We ended up back downstairs in the living room and sat on opposite ends of the couch. Rory twisted his fingers, and he looked anywhere but directly at me. His hair was wild and curly, exactly how I liked it. In his oversized hoodie, sweats, and woolen socks, he looked every bit the little I suspected him to be. With eyes darting around the room, Rory also looked every bit the scared little rabbit I’d seen in the café.

The boy in front of me was all that mattered. If we were going to do this, it had to be settled for both our sakes. I suspected our, mostly mine, failure to lay it out made both of us more on edge and uneasy, which was an instant recipe for disaster. Unspoken expectations had a tendency to blow up at the most inconvenient times.

“Rory, is it okay to talk now?” As much as I wanted to get this over, if he was still feeling too raw about it, I'd need to be patient and wait. I might be a daddy, but it wasn’t a license to be a bulldozer.

“Yeah, I think so.” Rory ran a hand through his hair, ruffled his curls, and left them in more of a mess. It was cute.

Focus.

“Can we do it in the kitchen? I could use a cup of tea. Do you want some?”

I nodded my agreement, and we headed to the back of the house. The kitchen was cavernous with a ridiculous amount of wasted space, and my fingers itched to draw up a proper layout.Someone in the 1960s had decided this was the spot they could put their stamp on, and it had not stood the test of time.

Rory filled the kettle on the stove with fresh water and grabbed some mugs out of the cupboard. At the counter, he busied himself fiddling with tea bags before settling on an Irish breakfast blend for both of us. He set up the cups, returned to the counter where I was waiting, and gestured towards some stools. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. Frustration rolled off him in waves.

“Would you like me to start?” I offered, and he quickly nodded his head yes. “First, I owe you an apology. This afternoon I should have suspected you'd dropped into subspace, and my choice of words yanked you right out. I’m sorry I wasn’t more mindful of the situation.”

With a puzzled expression, Rory asked, “What’s subspace?”

“It’s where your mind goes when you’ve let go of your adult worries and allow yourself to enjoy the moment. You let someone else, which would have been me if I hadn’t messed it up, take on those concerns and responsibilities. Once you’re in subspace, or little space, to be jolted out without a transition can be jarring.”

Rory nodded as he blew out a slow breath. “Yeah, that sounds about right. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of freezing water over my head. I’ve never liked anything like this before. I was floaty until I wasn't. Is it strange how much I like being little?”

I laughed. “I hope not.” We both looked sheepishly at each other before I continued. ”If you never tried, how would you know? It’s just one of those things. Some people like the relaxation they get from it, and some don't. I think it would be considerably worse if you liked it, but couldn’t get into the headspace. There’s nothing wrong with exploring new things, so long as it involves consenting adults who are making safe and sane decisions.”

Rory got up to grab a tin of butter cookies and put them on the table between us. He carefully selected one from the tin with no broken edges and popped it into his mouth. I inspected the tin myself to find an appropriately uncrumbled cookie, fished it out, and handed it to him. Rory mumbled his thanks and blew a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead. The urge to fix his curls was strong.

“I don’t know where to start.” I hated to mention it in this quiet moment, but the undefined areas were troublesome. “I think we need to clarify and settle this situation before we can move forward.” Rory nodded, so I continued, “Do you still want to do it? I’m helping with the paperwork either way.” He nodded again. “Okay, just so we're clear here. I’m not paying you to be my little.”

Rory surprised me with a full-on guffaw followed by an inelegant, but no less adorable, snort.

“That’s precisely what you are paying me for.”

“No, I’m repaying you because you did me a favor, and I want to reciprocate.”

Rory’s solemn expression worried me. I wasn’t ready for him to end this. I wasn’t ready to give up my time with Rory yet. I felt more like a daddy in a few days than I ever had in the past. My instincts screamed that letting him leave my life would be the biggest mistake I’d ever made, but my concerns hadn't magically disappeared either.

Knowing I’d failed as Justin's Daddy had broken me. I left him alone and he’d sought companionship when I was gone. I was never one to share, and open relationships were great for those to wanted them, but it wasn’t for me. Finding out Justin was cheating and I’d been the one to pay for the hotels and dinners cemented the idea I wouldn’t be any kind of daddy until I could be a full-time, fully present one. But with Rory? Rory made me questioneverything.

At the kettle's whistle, Rory made a move to finish making our tea, but I intervened and got it myself. I poured the boiling water into the mugs and carried both back to the island where Bunny had resettled on his stool. We dunked our tea bags as substitute spoons and avoided looking at each other.

A thick fog of emotions hung in the air, a jumble of conflicting feelings I couldn't untangle. The awkward tension between us was suffocating, like trying to breathe through a thick wool scarf. My mind could not stop replaying the moment in the store when everything felt perfect before my careless words were spoken into the universe. I wanted the warmth of Rory's presence, his ability to make me feel like a Daddy. The indescribable feeling of protecting and sheltering him back soothed me in ways I hadn’t felt in years. More than that, I wantedhimback.

“Can I tell you something?” Rory’s voice was soft, but there was a hint of steel behind it.

“You can tell me anything.”

“I need you.”

Chapter 14

Rory

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