Page 29 of Just A Little Love

Mind-fucking-blown.

Some part of me wanted to freak out at my jump into the deep end of the kink pool without knowing how to swim. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, Gabriel would keep me afloat. Maybe it was foolish to put this much trust in a relative stranger, but I had that bit of absurdity absolutely nailed.

The idea of Daddies and littles still frightened me a bit, but not because I felt like there was something wrong with it or I wasn’t sure it was for me. It was for me. Yesterday, in the shop and on the way home, the thought took root in my brain that I didn’t want to pretend to be Gabriel’s little. What I wanted wasto explore, in every sense, what it would be like to be his actual, albeit temporary, little. Nothing about what happened yesterday felt strange or uncomfortable until the moment he reminded me it was all fake. Until that moment, I felt like a warm kitten curled up while I waited for scratches behind my ears and belly rubs. The bone-deep sense of rightness was a feeling I wanted to experience again and again.

Last night, Gabriel asked me to allow myself to sink into subspace this morning. It felt like he gave me permission for my brain to do what it already wanted to do. I woke up in a little headspace, and it had been a revelation. There was such a sense of rightness. My mind was clear, and my soul felt light. The only thing I had to do was follow Daddy’s instructions and simply allow myself to experience the freedom of being in a state of uncomplicated happiness. Our breakfast wasn’t sexy, but being near Gabriel was enough for my cock to perk up. I wanted him in ways I’d never wanted anyone else. I recognized this experiment would end in disaster, but I had no intention of putting on the brakes. I would see this thing between us through and let the pieces fall where they may.

First up on my plan to clear the clutter of the house was cull the herd of holiday-singing moose, except for the cutie who sangDeck the Hallswith holly on its antlers and the shaking butt. It was a keeper. The one that sported the light-up nose could stay, too. It would be impossible to get rid of the moose dressed up like a lumberjack singingOh Christmas Tree. Never mind, the entire herd was staying.

Anders never rang the bell or knocked, so I jumped a little when he burst into the living room. Anders sat the paper bag with ourlunch on the coffee table and ran into the kitchen for some forks without saying a word. He returned with them and a couple of waters. He plopped down on the sofa and started unloading food for us both.

“Okay, my secretive friend. I need to hear everything. Every delicious detail, starting with his dick.”

“Jesus, Anders. I will not talk about his beautiful, girthy, uncut cock. That’s rude.” I fell off the sofa laughing at my stupid joke, and Ander gave me a dirty look.

“No one likes a comedian,” Anders said before shoving food in his mouth.

“My Daddy thinks I’m funny.” Anders’ eyes went wide, and a scowl took over his face.

“You don’t get to claim a Daddy without an explanation. Start talking.”

I recapped the New Year's Party to include every whimsical part of the mural I’d noticed there. Anders, being him, wanted me to describe the flavor profiles of our meal. Anders, on top of all his other talents, was a wonderful cook and spent whatever few minutes he could find poring over cookbooks. He always claimed he didn’t want to be a chef and wouldn’t love it as much if he had to do it as a job. When he made the claim, there was always a tinge of sadness, so I was never sure if that was the whole truth of the matter. I never pushed too hard with him, though. The more you pushed Anders, the more he shut down.

Anders was the least kink-shaming person I knew. I had zero worries telling him the Daddy aspects in detail. Anders would be my best friend until both of us were in the grave, but I still choked on my words. It was more about me than him because he didn’t give a shit what I did, so long as it was consensual and safe. For someone so kink-positive, it was weird he wasn’t kinky himself.

“So he’s not paying you to fake being his little?”

“Yeah, maybe it's semantics since the favor is only because of the party, but I liked it. The idea of paying for the little part made me feel weird and dirty, even though it’s totally not. I don’t want it to be fake because, umm, yeah, I like it.” My face was on fire. As far as I'm aware, we'd kept nothing from each other since we first became best friends in the second grade. I don’t want to start now.

“What did you like about it?” Anders looked pensive and maybe a little wistful.

“It was so freeing. Yeah, inner child bullshit is bullshit, but seriously, I felt this lightness I would totally make fun of if it was in a movie and not me experiencing it. I wasn't putting on an act. It was me… like who I really was. It was easy to slip into because I wasn’t putting on a costume. I was taking one off. My speech pattern changed, my thoughts changed, and I felt so damn stress-free. I didn’t think about the house. There weren’t papers to grade or lectures to make or anything. It was me and him in one perfect moment, and I didn't want to think about anything but existing. He made it one hundred percent clear it’s temporary, but maybe I want to keep exploring after it’s allover with him.” Maybe my gushing was a little over the top, but I didn’t know how to explain it without it. Acknowledging the temporary nature of our relationship, if it could even be called that, brought a pang to my heart that I didn’t want to think about.

Anders had been making noncommittal noises while I explained, but his brow wrinkled in confusion. “I don’t love that he lied to his friends. He was tired of their pushing, but you talk to them instead of lying and making up things like a whole flipping relationship. Possibly, it was a moment of frustration, but not so cool with that part. And if you see a pattern, it’s a huge, giant red flag, and you need to bail immediately, okay? We’ll figure something out about the house.”

“That’s fair. I don’t want to think about the house today, but, yes, any lies and I’m out.”

Anders was the person who could always see both sides of an issue. It’s what made him the world’s most perfect best friend, and why he was such an excellent sounding board. I tried my best to make it a two-way street. I was determined never to become one of those who exploited his kindness. Maybe the guys I picked weren't for me, and I got down about it, but there wasn't anything wrong with them, except for Charles. Anders attracted the guys who used him until he was nothing but a husk, and then they came back to turn even that to dust.

“What’s next on your agenda with Gabriel? Will you have any more play sessions before your VD date? How fancy is the party? Do we need to go shopping to get something appropriate?” Anders, his phone already in hand, looked at me with anexpectant expression, ready to take whatever notes I needed so I could make this work. I loved that he was willing to help me figure out this little headspace, even if he wasn't a participant.

“Right now, Da-Gabriel is going over the schematics I have for the house and putting them into some program I don’t remember the name of. Tonight, he’s going to take me to dinner with his friends so we can start planning the VD party.” We both giggled at our silly name for the party. “They think we are dating, but since I’m new to kink they won’t get suspicious of what I don’t know.”

“No one is going to care regardless,” Anders interjected in a dry tone.

His comment made me stop and think about why Gabriel tried so hard to keep the facade. There was no shame in being single, so I wondered if maybe Daddy wanted more than he could admit to himself.

Any excuse was a good excuse to spend time with Gabriel, but I’d already given myself several firm lectures. I’d explained to myself no matter the type of exploration, how into I was, how wonderful of a Daddy Gabriel was, or how he custom-made for the type of little I was, it was all temporary. I would not kept by him. We would fool his friends into leaving him alone about having a relationship. When it was done, we’d break up later by mutual agreement and hope to remain friends.

Anders made noncommittal noises. “Do you think hanging out is wise? Is hanging with his friends smart? I understand it sparkedyour interest, but should you explore so much with him? This has ends in heartbreak written all over it.”

He was right, of course. I was going to charge forward regardless because I wanted this with Gabriel.

“We plan to tell a version of the truth: we started dating, it’s in the fun, early stages and not serious. There’s no harm in them finding out I have hardly any experience. Actually, if you exclude the timing issues, it’s practically the whole truth. It’s cool to spend time with a guy I’m interested in who was so invested in my happiness and well-being. I know there's an expiration date.” I couldn't stop myself from a giddy smile.

It was not returned.

Anders looked a little sad, but like he was trying to mask it. “Hey, are you okay? What’s going on? And don’t say nothing.”

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